Dear Taylor Swift,
You've described my life yet again. It's kinda scary sometimes but please continue :)
Sincerly,
Julie

Two Months :)

This month flew by! With all the appointments we had it felt like we were on the go. But I love the quiet moments we get when Ayla is in a good mood and we're playing at home.

~She smiles up a storm now :) I love that she recongnizes who i am and smiles at me when she's fed and changed.

~Ayla has been having issues sleeping in her own bed...I try but then end up putting her beside me. not that I mind.
~I love dressing her in cute outfits and I'm pretty sure she loves it...she hasn't told me she doesn't :P

~We've been sick for most of the month but she is recovering well now.
~She got to brave the cold in her snowsuit, she hates putting it on but looks so darn cute :)

~Ayla hates tummy time but turns her head from side to side occationally.
~She's been gaining weight like crazy! She is almost 11 pounds now.
~She has a love/hate relationship with the carseat.

~Ayla has started to coo and tell me stories. I love it :)
~She celebrated her first Halloween

She's the best baby I could ask for :)

Ayla at 2 months

Happy Two Months Ayla!

Yuck

What's worse then having a cold? Your baby having a cold. Lets hope it doesn't stick around for long.

New Reality

I never realized how much a baby changes your life. All of a sudden everything is about her. I don't do things for me without thinking of her first, getting up at three in the morning to feed her has just become regular, I think of myself as a mother first and everything else comes second. But really it feels right. Like this is the way it's always been. Sure I don't get to go out as much or do something with friends spur of the moment. You know what though? I wouldn't have it any other way :)

Motherhood

I was re-reading a post that my friend Megan wrote a while back and although all of it was beautiful this stood out to me today:

"Last but not least... when your whole little body is achy and tired... and you're sitting in a chaotic room amongst a screaming inconsolable baby... and you think to yourself:

"What. the (insert word of choice here) am I doing? How on earth can I measure up to this task? Am I even making any difference at all?"

I want you to remember this: you are making a difference. You are making a bigger difference than anything you could ever think of imagining right now. One day I'm sure that all of us Momma's will realize just how much of a difference we made... and it will be an overwhelming thing. Imagine your greatest 'worldly dream'... mine would probably be becoming a concert pianist or something of the sort; something that you feel would bring you recognition from the world. Whatever feelings of recognition that you will feel from accomplishing your greatest 'worldly dream' will pale in comparison to the sense of accomplishment you will feel from Motherhood. I can promise you that"

Motherhood is hard. Harder then anything I've done but at the end of the day when I look at my beautiful baby girl I know that it's all worth it.

One Month

Today marks the one month date for Ayla...has it really been one month? I can't believe that little baby I brought home four weeks ago is one month old today. It's crazy how much they grow and how much your life changes when they come.

~Ayla is such a good natured baby and loves cuddle time.

~We enjoy nap times together.

~She loves music, even when mom sings along in the car. At least I think so, she never complains :P

~She's very alert,  to the point where at church she stays awake for the whole three hour block.

~She gets the hicups at least once a day.

~Ayla deffinately loves to eat, a couple nights ago she was up at 1:30, 3:30, 4:45, and 5:50.

~After her 5 o'clock feeding she thinks it's time to wake up...

~She's pretty spoiled.

~For the first three weeks I let her sleep with me, but now she sleeps in her own bed.

~She has grandpa wrapped around her little finger.

~I think she's growing out of her newborn sleepers.

~She's still just as tiny as ever.

~Ayla has no patience, she likes to be fed as soon as she wakes up. If I don't get up fast enough she gets very angry.

~She is also the sweetest little spirit I could ask for.

I love her so much and love being her mom. I'm still learning but I can't wait to grow and learn with her.

Ayla at 1 Month

No Julie, You're Not Just Cold

It's been an interesting week this week. Most of it Ayla and I have spent in the hospital; no worries though, Ayla is fine it was just me. Sunday I wasn't feeling to great but I thought nothing of it, I'm a new mom and we're suppose to feel run down right? Apparently not :P All day Ayla was getting upset and not feeding properly on one side so church was a challange.

I got home, fed her, then put her down for a much needed nap (with grandpa's help of course) and I also decided to take a nap. It was wonderful and both of us felt rested after but again she wouldn't feed on the one side and after waking up I realized that something was not right. I tried to express some milk for her and barely anything was coming out. I talked to my mom and told her of my concerns. Ayla was not happy and not getting the amount of food she needed. I was extremely cold (It was 27 degrees out) but I insisted that no, I was not running a fever I was just cold. I was wrong. Things got worse and my mom took me to emergency because we thought I had a possible case of mastitis.

Turns out I was running a fever. A very high one. Normal is 37 and I was at 39 as well as my heart rate was way up so they hooked me up to antibiotics and fluid. It didn't help. So they decided to keep me over night to bring everything down. Luckily they let Ayla stay with me as long as someone helped me look after her, which my mom willingly did. Things didn't improve on Monday and by Tuesday morning I couldn't express anything. I was in so much pain that even the nurse knew that this was more then they thought. So they booked an ultrasound at the Lethbridge hospital to see exactly what was going on. I was so tired of hospitals, being hooked to an IV, and nnot being able to properly care for my child. There was nothing I could do about it but I felt helpless.

I was told that if there was puss in there all they would need to do was stick a needle in and drain it then I would come back to Raymond. Well it was more complex then that. The ultrasound revealed not just one pocket of puss but many of them, indicating that this was not an easy fix. I was told that the surgeons would be meeting with me shortly to discuss whether they felt surgery was needed. Let me repeat that, surgery. I was put in a small room in the trauma unit to wait and after meeting with them they told me that indeed, I did need surgery. Seriously? I have been through so much the past three weeks and now I was going to surgery within the next hour and a half? I could've cried.

They got me in pretty quick and after a very quick goodbye to my mom and Ayla they took me away. An hour and a half later I woke up with a huge bandage on me and different clothes (that kinda shook me up seeing as I couldn't remember a thing :P). But I was finally reunited with Ayla and the staff was nice enough to move me to a room where I could keep Ayla with me. I was no longer in pain and finally I could cuddle my baby. The few moments after surgery where I just held her were so nice. I know it was only a few hours but I missed her so much and being able to finally hold her without causing pain was wonderful.

I stayed for a couple more days and recieved so much help from friends and my parents. I'm finally home and although it's tough and I can't feed or pump on that side for a month I am so grateful that the staff at both hospitals were so quick to find out what was wrong and fix it. My parents were great too, I wouldn't have got through this without their help. Ayla was wonderful though, the whole time we were in the hospital she was an almost perfect child, only cried when she was hungry and made me laugh (mostly with her explosions) when I was feeling down.

I love Ayla so much. Who knew that motherhood would be this rewarding? :)