What's worse then having a cold? Your baby having a cold. Lets hope it doesn't stick around for long.
10.24.2012
Yuck
What's worse then having a cold? Your baby having a cold. Lets hope it doesn't stick around for long.
10.20.2012
New Reality
I never realized how much a baby changes your life. All of a sudden everything is about her. I don't do things for me without thinking of her first, getting up at three in the morning to feed her has just become regular, I think of myself as a mother first and everything else comes second. But really it feels right. Like this is the way it's always been. Sure I don't get to go out as much or do something with friends spur of the moment. You know what though? I wouldn't have it any other way :)
10.17.2012
Motherhood
I was re-reading a post that my friend Megan wrote a while back and although all of it was beautiful this stood out to me today:
"Last but not least... when your whole little body is achy and tired... and you're sitting in a chaotic room amongst a screaming inconsolable baby... and you think to yourself:
"What. the (insert word of choice here) am I doing? How on earth can I measure up to this task? Am I even making any difference at all?"
I want you to remember this: you are making a difference. You are making a bigger difference than anything you could ever think of imagining right now. One day I'm sure that all of us Momma's will realize just how much of a difference we made... and it will be an overwhelming thing. Imagine your greatest 'worldly dream'... mine would probably be becoming a concert pianist or something of the sort; something that you feel would bring you recognition from the world. Whatever feelings of recognition that you will feel from accomplishing your greatest 'worldly dream' will pale in comparison to the sense of accomplishment you will feel from Motherhood. I can promise you that"
Motherhood is hard. Harder then anything I've done but at the end of the day when I look at my beautiful baby girl I know that it's all worth it.
"Last but not least... when your whole little body is achy and tired... and you're sitting in a chaotic room amongst a screaming inconsolable baby... and you think to yourself:
"What. the (insert word of choice here) am I doing? How on earth can I measure up to this task? Am I even making any difference at all?"
I want you to remember this: you are making a difference. You are making a bigger difference than anything you could ever think of imagining right now. One day I'm sure that all of us Momma's will realize just how much of a difference we made... and it will be an overwhelming thing. Imagine your greatest 'worldly dream'... mine would probably be becoming a concert pianist or something of the sort; something that you feel would bring you recognition from the world. Whatever feelings of recognition that you will feel from accomplishing your greatest 'worldly dream' will pale in comparison to the sense of accomplishment you will feel from Motherhood. I can promise you that"
Motherhood is hard. Harder then anything I've done but at the end of the day when I look at my beautiful baby girl I know that it's all worth it.
10.03.2012
One Month
Today marks the one month date for Ayla...has it really been one month? I can't believe that little baby I brought home four weeks ago is one month old today. It's crazy how much they grow and how much your life changes when they come.
~Ayla is such a good natured baby and loves cuddle time.
~We enjoy nap times together.
~She loves music, even when mom sings along in the car. At least I think so, she never complains :P
~She's very alert, to the point where at church she stays awake for the whole three hour block.
~She gets the hicups at least once a day.
~Ayla deffinately loves to eat, a couple nights ago she was up at 1:30, 3:30, 4:45, and 5:50.
~After her 5 o'clock feeding she thinks it's time to wake up...
~She's pretty spoiled.
~For the first three weeks I let her sleep with me, but now she sleeps in her own bed.
~She has grandpa wrapped around her little finger.
~I think she's growing out of her newborn sleepers.
~She's still just as tiny as ever.
~Ayla has no patience, she likes to be fed as soon as she wakes up. If I don't get up fast enough she gets very angry.
~She is also the sweetest little spirit I could ask for.
I love her so much and love being her mom. I'm still learning but I can't wait to grow and learn with her.
~Ayla is such a good natured baby and loves cuddle time.
~We enjoy nap times together.
~She loves music, even when mom sings along in the car. At least I think so, she never complains :P
~She's very alert, to the point where at church she stays awake for the whole three hour block.
~She gets the hicups at least once a day.
~Ayla deffinately loves to eat, a couple nights ago she was up at 1:30, 3:30, 4:45, and 5:50.
~After her 5 o'clock feeding she thinks it's time to wake up...
~She's pretty spoiled.
~For the first three weeks I let her sleep with me, but now she sleeps in her own bed.
~She has grandpa wrapped around her little finger.
~I think she's growing out of her newborn sleepers.
~She's still just as tiny as ever.
~Ayla has no patience, she likes to be fed as soon as she wakes up. If I don't get up fast enough she gets very angry.
~She is also the sweetest little spirit I could ask for.
I love her so much and love being her mom. I'm still learning but I can't wait to grow and learn with her.
 |
| Ayla at 1 Month |
9.29.2012
No Julie, You're Not Just Cold
It's been an interesting week this week. Most of it Ayla and I have spent in the hospital; no worries though, Ayla is fine it was just me. Sunday I wasn't feeling to great but I thought nothing of it, I'm a new mom and we're suppose to feel run down right? Apparently not :P All day Ayla was getting upset and not feeding properly on one side so church was a challange.
I got home, fed her, then put her down for a much needed nap (with grandpa's help of course) and I also decided to take a nap. It was wonderful and both of us felt rested after but again she wouldn't feed on the one side and after waking up I realized that something was not right. I tried to express some milk for her and barely anything was coming out. I talked to my mom and told her of my concerns. Ayla was not happy and not getting the amount of food she needed. I was extremely cold (It was 27 degrees out) but I insisted that no, I was not running a fever I was just cold. I was wrong. Things got worse and my mom took me to emergency because we thought I had a possible case of mastitis.
Turns out I was running a fever. A very high one. Normal is 37 and I was at 39 as well as my heart rate was way up so they hooked me up to antibiotics and fluid. It didn't help. So they decided to keep me over night to bring everything down. Luckily they let Ayla stay with me as long as someone helped me look after her, which my mom willingly did. Things didn't improve on Monday and by Tuesday morning I couldn't express anything. I was in so much pain that even the nurse knew that this was more then they thought. So they booked an ultrasound at the Lethbridge hospital to see exactly what was going on. I was so tired of hospitals, being hooked to an IV, and nnot being able to properly care for my child. There was nothing I could do about it but I felt helpless.
I was told that if there was puss in there all they would need to do was stick a needle in and drain it then I would come back to Raymond. Well it was more complex then that. The ultrasound revealed not just one pocket of puss but many of them, indicating that this was not an easy fix. I was told that the surgeons would be meeting with me shortly to discuss whether they felt surgery was needed. Let me repeat that, surgery. I was put in a small room in the trauma unit to wait and after meeting with them they told me that indeed, I did need surgery. Seriously? I have been through so much the past three weeks and now I was going to surgery within the next hour and a half? I could've cried.
They got me in pretty quick and after a very quick goodbye to my mom and Ayla they took me away. An hour and a half later I woke up with a huge bandage on me and different clothes (that kinda shook me up seeing as I couldn't remember a thing :P). But I was finally reunited with Ayla and the staff was nice enough to move me to a room where I could keep Ayla with me. I was no longer in pain and finally I could cuddle my baby. The few moments after surgery where I just held her were so nice. I know it was only a few hours but I missed her so much and being able to finally hold her without causing pain was wonderful.
I stayed for a couple more days and recieved so much help from friends and my parents. I'm finally home and although it's tough and I can't feed or pump on that side for a month I am so grateful that the staff at both hospitals were so quick to find out what was wrong and fix it. My parents were great too, I wouldn't have got through this without their help. Ayla was wonderful though, the whole time we were in the hospital she was an almost perfect child, only cried when she was hungry and made me laugh (mostly with her explosions) when I was feeling down.
I love Ayla so much. Who knew that motherhood would be this rewarding? :)
I got home, fed her, then put her down for a much needed nap (with grandpa's help of course) and I also decided to take a nap. It was wonderful and both of us felt rested after but again she wouldn't feed on the one side and after waking up I realized that something was not right. I tried to express some milk for her and barely anything was coming out. I talked to my mom and told her of my concerns. Ayla was not happy and not getting the amount of food she needed. I was extremely cold (It was 27 degrees out) but I insisted that no, I was not running a fever I was just cold. I was wrong. Things got worse and my mom took me to emergency because we thought I had a possible case of mastitis.
Turns out I was running a fever. A very high one. Normal is 37 and I was at 39 as well as my heart rate was way up so they hooked me up to antibiotics and fluid. It didn't help. So they decided to keep me over night to bring everything down. Luckily they let Ayla stay with me as long as someone helped me look after her, which my mom willingly did. Things didn't improve on Monday and by Tuesday morning I couldn't express anything. I was in so much pain that even the nurse knew that this was more then they thought. So they booked an ultrasound at the Lethbridge hospital to see exactly what was going on. I was so tired of hospitals, being hooked to an IV, and nnot being able to properly care for my child. There was nothing I could do about it but I felt helpless.
I was told that if there was puss in there all they would need to do was stick a needle in and drain it then I would come back to Raymond. Well it was more complex then that. The ultrasound revealed not just one pocket of puss but many of them, indicating that this was not an easy fix. I was told that the surgeons would be meeting with me shortly to discuss whether they felt surgery was needed. Let me repeat that, surgery. I was put in a small room in the trauma unit to wait and after meeting with them they told me that indeed, I did need surgery. Seriously? I have been through so much the past three weeks and now I was going to surgery within the next hour and a half? I could've cried.
They got me in pretty quick and after a very quick goodbye to my mom and Ayla they took me away. An hour and a half later I woke up with a huge bandage on me and different clothes (that kinda shook me up seeing as I couldn't remember a thing :P). But I was finally reunited with Ayla and the staff was nice enough to move me to a room where I could keep Ayla with me. I was no longer in pain and finally I could cuddle my baby. The few moments after surgery where I just held her were so nice. I know it was only a few hours but I missed her so much and being able to finally hold her without causing pain was wonderful.
I stayed for a couple more days and recieved so much help from friends and my parents. I'm finally home and although it's tough and I can't feed or pump on that side for a month I am so grateful that the staff at both hospitals were so quick to find out what was wrong and fix it. My parents were great too, I wouldn't have got through this without their help. Ayla was wonderful though, the whole time we were in the hospital she was an almost perfect child, only cried when she was hungry and made me laugh (mostly with her explosions) when I was feeling down.
I love Ayla so much. Who knew that motherhood would be this rewarding? :)
9.21.2012
Ayla's Story
So Ayla's journey into the world was a bit of a longer one but I'm sure it was an interesting one for her never the less. And it was a neat experience for me as well. It's something that people can tell you about but until you have a child you really don't know what to expect. To be honest I didn't think I would be able to do it. But I did and now there's a beautiful baby in my life :)
My labor started on the 30th of August (the Thursday before), I had been having braxton and hicks for months so for all of Thursday I didn't think much of the constant contracting. But this time they were coming regularly, so I kept an eye on them and timed them. They varied from half an hour apart to two hours. At this point they weren't to painful.
I continued all of Thursday night so I thought for sure I would have her Friday. Nope. They continued to be about half an hour apart. By Friday night however they were more painful and got to be about eight minutes apart but again I just kept an eye on it. Eric timed them on my mom's iPad for me. At this point I was doing everything to make the labor progress. Including taking all the herbs I could and bouncing on the rebounder.
Again I didn't sleep on Friday night but the labor was still sparatic. So for the third day in a row I was sitting at home waiting around. But they got more intense and by Saturday night I was in pain. Back labor had started and anyone who had back labor knows that it is probably the worst kind of pain you can experience in labor (almost). They were eight minutes apart but I decided to go to bed.
They continued all night and about five in the morning on Sunday I called Arles and he came over to wait until they were five minutes apart. They finally were at about ten so we all headed to the hospital, where they sent me home because I wasn't dialated enough. We went home and I rested for a while (my contractions were still every five minutes). By dinner they were really hurting so we went to the hospital. They sent me home. Again. They asked if I wanted morphine (seriously???)
I went home frustrated and in pain. I probably cried for most of the evening and by eleven I was in such pain that I really thought I wouldn't make it through this. I had been in 'false' labor for days and was still at home. I went to bed and attempted to sleep between contractions. It didn't work. My mom so willingly helped me through each one, I really couldn't imagine what was going through her head. I was not in a good place at that time. Finally at three I was drained and hadn't even started the real labor yet! I called Arles again and we met him at the hospital. This time I could barely walk. Never had I felt such pain and there was that fear that they would send me home again. I felt that if they did I would have the baby at home (not true but still, I was not exactly rational at this time). But after checking me they found I was four centimeters!!!!!
That's where the hospital labor began. I ordered an epidural as soon as I was admitted and was high on a cloud. I was laughing and feeling like myself again :) I love the epidural. We were all finally able to rest a bit. Arles continuously was making me laugh though. We were pretty excited that we were finally going to meet our baby.
I stayed at four for a while but I didn't mind, I was just enjoying the whole experience. I also enjoyed being able to watch the contraction monitor go way up and then level off. I couldn't feel a thing :). Once I hit five though I had the urge to push. People can tell you that your body knows what to do but until you experience it, you don't really know. So for about an hour I fought the urge to push. That was probably one of the worst parts. I needed to push. Everything in my body told me to push. And I had to fight it.
But when the nurse checked me again I was nine centimeters. One more then I would be on the home stretch. Once she told me I could push I was so relieved that I went right to it. My mom was on one side and Arles was on the other. I went into my zone and fought with everything I had. To this day I still don't know where my strength came from. They told me that the pushing could last up to two hours...I wasn't going to do that. I closed my eyes and blocked everything out. All I said in that forty five mintues was "ok" then nod at my mom and Arles indicating that I was going to push.
It was so amazing and I was so amazed that I had that kind of will power to do it. I was so close and all I had wanted for nine months was to see my beautiful baby. I was so close. With every contraction I felt more and more ready to bring a new life into the world. Finally I heard Arles exclaim that he could see her. Never had I felt such a need to do what my body wanted me to do. I gave it everything I had and finally Doctor Coma pulled her out. This little tiny being was there. I couldn't say anything, I was in such shock that when asked if I wanted to hold her I just stared blankly at the nurse. But my mom answered for me and said yes.
The outpouring of emotion was amazing. Here was this child that I am now responsible for. Arles and I created her. She was finally here. There was so much running through my head. Every day I look at her and am in awe over how perfect she is. I love being a mom. I love that through the entire process my family and Arles and countless others were so willing to help me. I can finally say that I understand unconditional love. I love my little girl :)
My labor started on the 30th of August (the Thursday before), I had been having braxton and hicks for months so for all of Thursday I didn't think much of the constant contracting. But this time they were coming regularly, so I kept an eye on them and timed them. They varied from half an hour apart to two hours. At this point they weren't to painful.
I continued all of Thursday night so I thought for sure I would have her Friday. Nope. They continued to be about half an hour apart. By Friday night however they were more painful and got to be about eight minutes apart but again I just kept an eye on it. Eric timed them on my mom's iPad for me. At this point I was doing everything to make the labor progress. Including taking all the herbs I could and bouncing on the rebounder.
Again I didn't sleep on Friday night but the labor was still sparatic. So for the third day in a row I was sitting at home waiting around. But they got more intense and by Saturday night I was in pain. Back labor had started and anyone who had back labor knows that it is probably the worst kind of pain you can experience in labor (almost). They were eight minutes apart but I decided to go to bed.
They continued all night and about five in the morning on Sunday I called Arles and he came over to wait until they were five minutes apart. They finally were at about ten so we all headed to the hospital, where they sent me home because I wasn't dialated enough. We went home and I rested for a while (my contractions were still every five minutes). By dinner they were really hurting so we went to the hospital. They sent me home. Again. They asked if I wanted morphine (seriously???)
I went home frustrated and in pain. I probably cried for most of the evening and by eleven I was in such pain that I really thought I wouldn't make it through this. I had been in 'false' labor for days and was still at home. I went to bed and attempted to sleep between contractions. It didn't work. My mom so willingly helped me through each one, I really couldn't imagine what was going through her head. I was not in a good place at that time. Finally at three I was drained and hadn't even started the real labor yet! I called Arles again and we met him at the hospital. This time I could barely walk. Never had I felt such pain and there was that fear that they would send me home again. I felt that if they did I would have the baby at home (not true but still, I was not exactly rational at this time). But after checking me they found I was four centimeters!!!!!
That's where the hospital labor began. I ordered an epidural as soon as I was admitted and was high on a cloud. I was laughing and feeling like myself again :) I love the epidural. We were all finally able to rest a bit. Arles continuously was making me laugh though. We were pretty excited that we were finally going to meet our baby.
I stayed at four for a while but I didn't mind, I was just enjoying the whole experience. I also enjoyed being able to watch the contraction monitor go way up and then level off. I couldn't feel a thing :). Once I hit five though I had the urge to push. People can tell you that your body knows what to do but until you experience it, you don't really know. So for about an hour I fought the urge to push. That was probably one of the worst parts. I needed to push. Everything in my body told me to push. And I had to fight it.
But when the nurse checked me again I was nine centimeters. One more then I would be on the home stretch. Once she told me I could push I was so relieved that I went right to it. My mom was on one side and Arles was on the other. I went into my zone and fought with everything I had. To this day I still don't know where my strength came from. They told me that the pushing could last up to two hours...I wasn't going to do that. I closed my eyes and blocked everything out. All I said in that forty five mintues was "ok" then nod at my mom and Arles indicating that I was going to push.
It was so amazing and I was so amazed that I had that kind of will power to do it. I was so close and all I had wanted for nine months was to see my beautiful baby. I was so close. With every contraction I felt more and more ready to bring a new life into the world. Finally I heard Arles exclaim that he could see her. Never had I felt such a need to do what my body wanted me to do. I gave it everything I had and finally Doctor Coma pulled her out. This little tiny being was there. I couldn't say anything, I was in such shock that when asked if I wanted to hold her I just stared blankly at the nurse. But my mom answered for me and said yes.
The outpouring of emotion was amazing. Here was this child that I am now responsible for. Arles and I created her. She was finally here. There was so much running through my head. Every day I look at her and am in awe over how perfect she is. I love being a mom. I love that through the entire process my family and Arles and countless others were so willing to help me. I can finally say that I understand unconditional love. I love my little girl :)
9.06.2012
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