Looking back at 2023 I realized I have not wrote since January! Life has been a blur and I can't believe Christmas season is upon us again. This year hits different, my brother recently got married and I am now seeing that all of us are moving into different seasons of life; my oldest is graduating high school, my middle is starting high school, and my youngest living child is almost four. As time passes I see more and more how we need connections through it all.
Although I do love being a mom it comes with its challenges. This year I have never felt more inadequate than I have in recent months, there are so many aspects that I don't feel like I am doing well in and it leaves me feeling alone. I not only have lost a child at such a young age, I gained two girls who are now teens and meanwhile I am trying to deal with toddler moments. It's a lot for anyone and for me I have cried many nights wondering if I have people who get it, people who can sit in the pain with me and actually understand all the aspects of my life. The short answer is that no, there isn't one person who completely gets it, but I do have a group of women who together, help in each individual parts.
In the hospital with Ayla I felt so cared for and encompassed with love. I'll say it again, that hospice room became a sacred space for me. There are three moments that I felt the veil lift. Two being bringing life into this world, and one watching it being taken. Through it all I had people in my corner. I can't help but think that not everyone is as lucky as I am. There are parents who are in the thick of it and likely like I did (and do) wonder if there is anyone out there who understands. It is a lonely feeling watching a child suffer and not one I wish on anyone. I know the pain, and although not ideal, that understanding helps me feel for people in similar situations to me.
I am at the hospital frequently and I see the eyes of the parents as we walk through the halls, shells of a person desperately trying to hold it together. I also see other people reach out to complete strangers much like when Felix was born and I was sobbing in the common area and a wonderful woman hugged me. She told me that she was there a week ago and it may not seem like it right then, but I would come out stronger. Humanity exists even when it seems like it does not.
I know there isn't much I can do to help, but delivering toys to the hospice can be for maybe one moment, a reminder that people care and that human connection is vital to our existence. As always here is a refresher of what I do. Every year I collect toys, books, and clothes for the hospice to deliver to families staying through the holidays. My hope is and has always been to bring a smile to faces that may not always feel seen. Being in the hospice can feel very isolating and I am happy to let families know that someone cares about them and their pain.
As a reminder here are some things you can donate.
- Infant rattles, rings, teether type toys
- Gift cards that can be given to families (Toys R Us, Walmart, Tim Horton's...)
- Pajamas of varying sizes
- Craft kits (with supplies all enclosed) or small boxes of pencil crayons, crayons, markers, etc.
- Musical toys (anything that plays sounds or music, push button toys...)
- Slippers (children and adults)
- One-size fits all stretchy gloves
- Toques and winter hats
- Books (mostly infant and teen books)
- Board games (for any age)
- Sensory games (for any age)
- Teen items (nail polish, journals, hair accessories, etc.)
These are just some ideas, if you have ones of your own then by all means go for it.
I got this out late this year but I plan to deliver on December 13. There are so many ways to show love during this season, please take the opportunity to do so :).
Merry Christmas <3
No comments:
Post a Comment