Changes

Coming back into YSA was one of the hardest transitions I ever had. To be honest I didn't want to be there and I felt extremely out of place among people who felt young to me. And I admit I was a little cynical about it for a while. I didn't feel like attending activities and all I wanted was to be who I was the first time around and obviously that's not who I was anymore. I had life experiences that I felt no one could relate to (I have since learned that trials can bind all sorts of people together) so I felt lonely among people my age. 

Through different parts of the past four years I've had small, seemingly insignificant changes that made me less anti-social and more positive about YSA in general. I could go into a long winded post on everything that made a difference but I won't bore you with specifics. Just know I recognize them.

One thing I would like to expand on, and really the reason for this post, is the calling I have had for the past year and nine months. For those unfamiliar with church terms, a calling is an assignment that my church gives to each person to not only help it run in a smooth manner, but to help the individual grow. I was the relief society president who is in charge of the women's organization in my ward. Yes, you read that correctly...was. I was released today. 

Going in I was overwhelmed and frankly scared of this responsibility. There's so much that goes into this and knowing that you are in charge of all the sisters is huge. At the time I wasn't going to many activities and was feeling a little lost. Than this calling came. For a while I felt like I was barely keeping on top of things. I didn't feel I was doing enough and it was hard. 

But, as time went on I started to get the hang of it all. And I believe this is what helped me finally feel I fit, not into the typical YSA mould but into one where I was comfortable being. I don't know how it happened but all of a sudden I became the best version of myself. And my confidence level skyrocketed. I grew into the new person I am. Not only that, I accepted it. And found others who needed to hear my personal stories. 

I love the sisters and created a bond with them that I cannot explain. God loves each of his children so very much and I felt of that love constantly through the course of my time in this position. I honestly believe the sisters helped lift me more than I ever did them. I love them. 

I think that nothing ever happens randomly and it was because of this calling I made some wonderful friends. Looking back and where I was and where I am now I am in awe of how lonely I once thought I was. I not only gained friends but I gained sisters. 

Back in November I was at the peak of my calling and began thinking to myself; what am I going to do when I'm released?! I gave everything I had to this. And with nothing else going on in my life I knew it would be a huge loss to me. Maybe I knew then that it was coming to an end...but I refused to acknowledge it :p. Come January however, I started to see why I was feeling that way.

I can only describe it as I was feeling odd. I couldn't see things as clearly as I could previously and I had to work for my inspiration. Everything else was going well; my presidency and I met every week, the sisters were doing okay, we were staying on top of callings and visiting teaching as much as possible, but I just felt different. 

By February my life had really started to change (for the better I assure you). And I started thinking that if I didn't have this calling that I would be okay. I talked to my bishop about it and he told me that he had already started thinking of someone new. So my feelings were merited. 

This brings me to this week. The mantle has passed to another and it's a weird feeling. She's wonderful and exactly who I envisioned taking over. The girls need her and I know she will grow to love them as I do.  I hope they know how wonderful they all are, I wouldn't be who I am without them. I just wish I could've done more, I always want to do more. 

I learned so much from so many different people. And I believe this has helped prepare me for what's to come. At the beginning of the year I chose the word vulnerable as something I would work on this year, I however had no idea how I would be tested in this. I promise God knows what he is doing and he knew this year I needed to open myself up to new people. I like stability, but I feel peace about where life is taking me. And oddly enough the anxieties I normally feel are not there. Which is new. 

This chapter is done but the book is far from over. I can't wait to see what life has in store for me. I'll miss the connection I had with the girls and my leaders but the wonderful thing is, they aren't going anywhere. As with everything in life it morphs and changes as time goes on. 

It'll take time to adjust but I'm happy with where I'm heading. Life is wonderful isn't it? It's the people who you spend it with who make all the difference. I'm so lucky to have the people in my life I do who push me to be better :).