Ayla's Stocking: Making it About Family

I have found I am a woman of consistency, I may not post very often, but you can always rely on a post in November. I know I always say this, but I love Christmastime! There is so many opportunities to serve and to think about the message you want to share with those around you. Time this year has got away from me and it truly feels like I just did this. However, it doesn't make me any less excited to be doing it again.

For new followers here is a shortened version; I had a wonderful baby named Ayla who, unfortunately, became sick shortly after Christmas with what we were told was the flu. After a couple days I knew it was not an ordinary sickness and my dad and I took her to the ER where they confirmed my deepest fears, Ayla was very sick and we had to transfer her to the Children's Hospital so they could better aid her in fighting for her life. We spent two and a half weeks there before Ayla died peacefully in the hospice. A year later I decided to give to those who had children spending Christmas in the hospital. I wanted them to feel as loved as I did there.

When I first started coming up with ideas of how to keep Ayla's memory alive all I could think was that if and when I got remarried, my new family would likely not know her at all, and that was heartbreaking. She was such a huge part of my life and all I wanted was for my new family and the children who came after her to have something we could do together to remember her. I remember sitting in my bed mauling over how I could have her part of my new family when she wasn't here to make her presence known. It was then I had this idea, I would get my other children to buy toys and other gifts for Ayla and give them to children at the Children's Hospital in lieu of buying Ayla gifts. It would be the best of both worlds, I could have Ayla part of the season, and help the families I knew desperately needed lifting. At the time I had no children so I decided to put out a flier and see what kind of response I would get. I truly didn't expect anyone other than my own family and a few close friends to participate. Every year it gets bigger and bigger as I meet new people and Ayla's story comes up.

I am so excited because this year I have three new participants. The initial idea I had about sharing Ayla with my new family has come to pass and I can finally do this with them. I don't know if you have heard the term rainbow baby, but it represents a child that comes after a loss. In my case I have two rainbow children, they may not biologically be mine, but I love them like they are.

Shortly after Ayla died my Grandma Mary was talking to me about her losses (she had a few children pass away), she said was that she didn't know how she would have got through those losses had she not had more children to pour her soul into. When you have other people relying on you there is no choice but to get out of bed every morning. At the same time I can't imagine how incredibly difficult that must have been to not have time to yourself to grieve while taking care of everyone else. Being part a family can sometimes help in this process. The hospice where Ayla was taken was a place where families can stay together as long as their child is there.

While we were there, we only saw only one other family; there was a mother, father, their sick child, as well as a brother. We were all going through similar things but when you are in such grief you don't really talk to anyone else, you don't have the strength for small talk. While we were there the child died and I will never forget the look of pain on their faces on the days leading up to the death, they looked so empty and tired. I probably did too. The hospice is very respectful and they ask the other families to stay in their rooms while the family with a now deceased child can have some privacy. They did it for this family, and they did it for us. Anyone who has had experience with the children's hospital and hospice will tell you how professional and overall kind the staff are.

I found the only way I got through those days was through my family. This is why every year I deliver toys and other gifts not only for the sick children, but for the parents and siblings too. I never want someone to think that we only care about those who are physically sick, I want them to look back and know that they were remembered too. That is why this year my theme is "Making it About Family" because in the end that's what it comes down to, being united as a family, whether biological, or being connected in other ways. My hope is that this can become something that parents do as a family with their children. I have seen first hand how excited children become as they help others. Sometimes to the point where they give up their own toys.

This year I will be doing this a bit early, I will be collecting the gifts from now until December 14th when I will take them to the hospice myself.  As always there a few ways you can contribute; if you are in the Calgary region you can contact me personally. My parents house is also a drop off location if you live closer to them. You can also contact me via email (julie.obrien03@gmail.com), phone, text, Facebook, or Instagram for more information.

Here is a refresher on some of the things you can give;

       - Infant rattles, rings, teether type toys

       - Gift cards that can be given to families (Toys R Us, Walmart, Tim Horton's...)

       - Pajamas of varying sizes

       - Craft kits (with supplies all enclosed) or small boxes of pencil crayons, crayons, markers, etc.

       - Musical toys (anything that plays sounds or music, push button toys...)

       - Slippers (children and adults)

       - One-size fits all stretchy gloves

       - Toques and winter hats

       - Books (mostly infant and teen books)

       - Board games (for any age)

       - Sensory games (for any age)

       - Teen items (nail polish, journals, hair accessories, etc.)

These are just some ideas, if you have ones of your own then by all means go for it.

I am thrilled to be doing this again and can't wait to feel the spirit of Christmas consume me. Please, even if you don't donate to my cause, find other ways to serve. We can't correct every pain in this world, but we can reach out to just one person and help them with theirs. I promise you, it'll make all the difference in their lives, as well as yours. 

Thank you in for your support over the last six years (I still can't fathom that it's been six years). I would not be where I am without it. Life threw some curveballs but I am grateful that it gave me the experiences I have.