Fears and Dreams

Yeaterday I had a chance to reflect on my biggest fear and biggest dream. At first glance it may seem simple, like a one word answer or a simple phrase. But there is so much more to it, fears have a way of either inspiring you to do better or cause you to put it in the back of your head and never think about it. Dreams can also have that effect, if you choose to ignore it thinking it won't ever happen chances are it won't. It can also drive you to do anything in your power to get it.

Well after some thought I found that my biggest fear is failure. Failure to be become who I meant to be, failure to listen to others, faliure to see what's right in front of me, failing to miss opportunities because I am going to fast, falilure to get good grades, failing to make the most of this life...Now I know that we are told to do our best and the Lord will do the rest, but what if I think I am doing my best but really I could've tried harder? This is by far my greatest fear, I want to become all that I can be and sometimes it feels as if I'll never reach my full potential. Yes I'm being overdramatic but failure is honestly the thing that scares me the most.

On the flip side my biggest dream right now? This place:

Cardston Alberta Temple

I want to go through a session for myself, then after that first time go for others on the other side. I love how the temple changes people, I can always tell after someone has gone through because there is just something different about them. It's hard to explain but I want that. So bad. Through the years I've picked up bits and pieces but I still have no comprehension of what actually occurs. I remember one time when I went to pick my parents up at the temple as I sat in the van waiting for them to come out I just stared at the temple then as I was scanning it I looked at the top room I had this overwelming feeling of peace and I started to tear up. Actually every time I think about going inside I get emotional. I just want it so bad. There is so much to learn and I can't wait for the day when I am permitted to enter.

I sometimes feel like I shouldn't be wanting it this bad at my age, I mean I'm only twenty! I've had this conversation with my mom many times and it always comes to the same conclusion; good things come to those who wait. But one good thing about wanting it so bad is that I am not willing to let anything get in my way, and believe me when I say even if I have to wait another five years I will still have the same passion and want it just as bad or even more then I do now. I don't know when my dream will come true but I know that in the end all the waiting will be worth it :)