How Ayla's Stocking Helped #lighttheworld

I realized in the hustle and bustle of Christmas that I never did wrap up my experiences with Ayla's Stocking this year. Of all the years I have done this project, year four was the best. I have never been so humbled. Each year my church does some sort of project associated with Christmas and this year their initiative was #lighttheworld. Essentially every day there was some sort of service activity idea that was given so that we could lift the spirits of those around us through service. 

Naturally I really enjoyed reading and following what each person on my social media page was doing, particularly with their children. It seemed everywhere I looked people were lifting others up. I know very well how much one person can do. Even if they feel that their efforts are inadequate. 

I learned a great deal during my days spent in the Children's Hospital and one was that it is okay to ask for help. And to graciously accept it when given; Ayla's Stocking has shown me that this year once again. I had no clue how many happy tears were heading my way.

Every year it’s been growing and this year I was able to partner with the website justserve.ca to collect donations in Calgary. At home I had sent out my regular fliers in the middle of November and out of nowhere it seemed, I began to receive donations. Some even dropped off anonymously--next year I will catch you and be able to thank you in person!

Over the next month my home began to fill with gifts for the children and they continually grew in number. It always amazes me how much people, if given the opportunity, give to others. It got to the point that we knew that our car was not large enough to transport the gifts to Calgary so we had to rent a SUV to accommodate them. We filled the entire trunk and we hadn't even picked up the gifts from Calgary yet! I don't know what I was expecting but when I arrived at my aunt and uncle's place to gather the toys that had been dropped off there I saw an equal (if not more) amount than we had at my home. There were two wards in Calgary that had kindly donated quite a few items as part of their ward Christmas party festivities. With both places collected we filled the trunks of the SUV,  my uncle's van, plus about $700 in gift cards.

You have no idea what that means to me. To see all those toys and knowing that the kids in the hospital will not only be receiving those gifts, but be able to shop for gifts for their own families, fills my soul with unimaginable joy. As a person who has been on the receiving end of kindness I can attest that it means more then you can imagine. 

This Christmas season I learned lighting the world is not about what one single person can do. Rather what the whole world can do consecutively. If it weren’t for caring and giving people I would not be able to do this. So in reality it wasn’t just me who lit the world…it was all of us in our own ways. 

If I could thank each and every one of you in person I would. My life was drastically changed this day four years ago and I didn't know how I could ever feel joy again. There has not been one day that has gone by that I don't think about my sweet Ayla Carol Jacquline and everything she taught me about unconditional love, patience, and sacrifice. But, despite thinking my life would never feel full again I have found it has turned out more amazing then I could have ever imagined! Every single one of you has touched my life and helped me to see the good in the world. For that, I will never thank you enough.

I'm always sad to wrap up Ayla's Stocking but I can't wait to see what is in store for next year!

I know that Ayla is never far. Typically the days leading up to her angel day are difficult but this year it hasn't been as bad as in previous years. She is always close and I know that she has a hand in my life. And really the ache my heart feels just means she existed. Loved ones never truly leave and that's such a comfort to me. As my cousin Charlotte Wilson said in a blog post four years ago; "Allowing ourselves to experience sorrow opens singular understanding of Christ's sacrifice, and sorrow on behalf of another refines and sanctifies our hearts. Sorrow begets empathy, which evolves into charity. Sorrow is divine, and when we experience it, we must allow it to transform our souls."

Ayla's Stocking; Creating Memories

It's November! This time of the year is my favorite season. Not only can you feel the joy around you but you begin to think outside yourself and see those in need. This season more than any other you happily serve others. Whether you celebrate Christmas or not there is no denying the feeling in the air. And I love it.

For those who are new to my blog, each year I put together a service project I have entitled Ayla's Stocking; the idea came as a result of wanting to remember my daughter who became ill on Christmas and passed away a couple weeks later. I spent two and a half weeks in the hospital and later the hospice alongside families who, unlike myself, had to spend Christmas surrounded by machines and the knowledge that their child was too ill to be at home like every other family out there. It broke my heart and when Christmas time came in 2013 all I wanted was to be spending it with Miss Ayla. I knew I couldn't so I did what I felt was the next best thing; I served. And that's the way it's been since. Over the course of November and December I will be collecting toys, books, and small items to take up to the Calgary Children's Hospital so they can distribute it among the children who might be spending their holiday season there.

In previous posts I've discussed the impact serving has had on me. And to be honest nothing gives me greater joy at Christmas than knowing that I can help bring a smile to someone's face. Life can be so difficult and painful at times! And often pain leaves you feeling that you are completely alone...if you are reading this and are feeling this way please know that you are not. My hope is, and has always been, to bring a level of joy to families who are at their wits end. I can't give that to everyone but having done this for a few years now I know it makes a small difference.

This year I was thinking about the families' reactions in particular, how they look Christmas morning when they realize the nurses snuck in at night to place gifts under the tree, how the children felt as they were able to "shop" for gifts for their loved ones when they cannot leave the hospice, and how the parents watched in awe as their sweet children who are going through so much pain smile at the surprise of finding something under the tree they never expected. These little things create lasting memories. To have some small part in these families' lives fills me with more joy than you can imagine. When your child is gone and all you are left with is memories I can testify to how powerful those memories become to you. I want the parents to be able to relive that small happy moment over and over and to bask in the overwhelming love they felt for their child that wonderful day. Emotions are powerful. Yes, the logistics of the memory fade but the feeling ... that never fades.

Despite it being four years ago that Ayla got sick I can still remember with clarity every emotion I felt. But even more than that, I remember the kindness that was shown to me. There were wonderful nurses and support staff that at the time I couldn't fully appreciate. One morning I woke after it being a particularly difficult night with no improvement to a pair of mittens and booties on Ayla. I tear up every time I talk about it. During the night a nurse down the ICU hallway thought Ayla looked chilly and so she knit her a hat, mittens, and booties while I slept. It's people like that who made a very difficult situation more bearable. And from everything the nurses have told me that's the exact reaction they get when they give the children and families the things I collect.

With all that said I can't create this alone. I always have had so much support and there is no way to thank you enough for it. This year I have the pleasure of working with justserve.org who will be posting a little about the project and give more information on how to donate if you are in the Calgary region (link found here). I worked with them last year and in two weeks we received more than I ever thought we could, so I am excited to see how it will play out this year.

Here is a refresher on some of the things you can give;

- Infant rattles, rings, teether type toys

- Gift cards that can be given to families (Toys R Us, Walmart, Tim Horton's...)

- Pajamas of varying sizes

- Craft kits (with supplies all enclosed) or small boxes of pencil crayons, crayons, markers, etc.

- Musical toys (anything that plays sounds or music, push button toys...)

- Slippers (children and adults)

- One-size fits all stretchy gloves

- Toques and winter hats

- Books (mostly infant and teen books)
-Board games (for any age)
-Sensory games (for any age)
-Teen items (nail polish, journals, hair accessories, etc.)

These are just some ideas, if you have ones of your own then by all means go for it.

I wanted to thank you again for taking this journey with me. It's been a great three years so far and every year Ayla's Stocking has grown into something so much more than the year before. I know I appreciate the love and support; however I know that the families appreciate it more than I do. Christmas is such a wonderful time of year! Even if you don't give to Ayla's Stocking I would ask that you serve someone this holiday season, it doesn't have to be extravagant but know every small thing counts.

The memories you create will last far longer than the gifts you receive.

Ayla's Stocking; Healing Through Service

It's that time of year again! With it being November and Christmas fast approaching, it's also time to start up Ayla's Stocking. I had no idea when I started this two years ago that it would not only be still going strong...but that with every passing year it gets bigger.

For those who are new to the blog, Ayla's Stocking is a service project I started in 2013 as a way to cope with the loss of my beautiful daughter Ayla. Three years ago my life changed when Ayla became sick just after Christmas and later passed away. I was so lucky that I was able to have one Christmas with her and in the many hours of down time I had, I would walk the ICU...there were so many families in there that didn't have that luxury of spending Christmas at home with a healthy child. And my heart broke for them. 

The next season in contemplating how I would be able to still feel like I was a mother without being able to see the joy on Ayla's face Christmas morning I came up with an idea. One that has blossomed and became the highlight of my Christmas season. 

The idea was this; that over the course of November and December I would collect toys and small gifts then just before Christmas I would take them to the Rotary Flames House (the children's hospice) to be distributed among those who truly needed them.  

Last year with the amount of toys we collected the hospice was able to set up a 'Santa's Workshop'. Children and parents in the house had the opportunity to come to the teen room and "shop" for gifts for their families. I know that even something as small as a teddy bear can make Christmas a little more bearable when you are faced with unforeseen circumstances.  

This year will be a little bit different in that I don't have an official sponsor to head the project. But I think it will be just as wonderful as always. This year I have asked a couple people to head the project in Calgary. My cousin Katie and her husband Josh over the past few months have shared many experiences they have had with their oldest son and his bond to my daughter. Even though they only met her once their son still talks about her and refers to me as Ayla's mom. The joy that title brings me is indescribable and I am thrilled to share this experience with them. I also have a wonderful friend named Patricia that helped me last year down here so this year as she's up in Calgary she has agreed to help out again. I lived with Patricia for a year and a half and she became one of my best friends.

This year you can contact Katie, Paticia, or I for information on how to be part of Ayla's Stocking. Donations will be accepted from now until noon on December 11th. 

Here is a refresher on some of the things you can give;

- Infant rattles, rings, teether type toys

- Gift cards that can be given to families (Toys R Us, Walmart, Tim Horton's...)

- Pajamas of varying sizes

- Craft kits (with supplies all enclosed) or small boxes of pencil crayons, crayons, markers, etc.

- Musical toys (anything that plays sounds or music, push button toys...)

- Slippers (children and adults)

- One-size fits all stretchy gloves

- Toques and winter hats

- Books (mostly infant and teen books)
-Board games (for any age)
-Sensory games (for any age)
-Teen items (nail polish, journals, hair accessories, ect.)

These are just some ideas, if you have ones of your own then by all means go for it.

I would like to thank everyone for the love and kindness I have been shown over the past three years. I know it may seem small but each of you have not only helped me, but you are now helping families who may be feeling anything but happy this Christmas season. For that I can never thank you enough! 

Even if you don't donate to Ayla's Stocking I would encourage you to look around you and find someone to serve :) 

Serving truly does heal the soul. 

Ayla loved looking at all the lights on the tree!

Ayla's Stocking 2014 Update

I received the most wonderful email! You know about Ayla's Stocking and the success it brought about this year, obviously, but today Shannon who is one of the head people at the hospice sent me this lovely email;

Hi Julie, 

I can definitely share some tidbits with you! I was not here for the actual Christmas Day but I was a part of much of the wrapping and choosing gifts process, and I got some info from the nurses who were here that day. We had 4 children admitted here that day, 2 with family staying and 2 without family staying. We closed down the teen room and made it into a “Santa’s Workshop” and had all the donation in there, kind of like a toy store. For the families who were in house, we asked parents if they wanted to come shop for gifts in the donation room (which they did! And were thrilled to be able to). We even had one patient who came with his parents into the workshop room to choose gifts for his brothers and sisters. It was very sweet of him, and there was no way he would have been able to go to the mall or a store to shop for them so definitely a great help for the family.

On Christmas eve, a volunteer and I spent some time wrapping gifts for patients, siblings, and parents who would be waking up in the house on Christmas day. For one family in particular, who had made their own Christmas tree in the their room and decorated everything, we wrapped up some of the gift cards and hung them on the tree in the room (the nurses snuck in to do this while everyone was sleeping) and they were very surprised by this in the morning! Lots of thanks and smiles from them!

All in all it was very successful and we still have stuff left over that we can continue to give away and use over the next few months. Thank you so much for your support and the families all shared their gratitude and thanks as well!

Take care,

Shannon Murch, CCLS

Child Life Specialist

Rotary Flames House

This brought me to tears. I have said this so many times but I am so grateful to all who have helped in one way or another. I know that Ayla could not be saved but knowing that she will always be remembered like this is wonderful. I could not have done this without any of you and I hope you realize how much of an impact you have on not only my life but countless others. 
 

Reading these stories help me to recognize that behind all the gifts are real people. The boy who was able to 'shop' for gifts that he otherwise would not have the opportunity to do in his current state is remarkable. I can't help but wonder if this would be his last Christmas with his family. And being able to provide him with even a bit of holiday spirit makes my heart melt. 

Again I am humbled at the kindness of others! I truly do have the best people surrounding me :) life couldn't be better. 

Ayla's Stocking: Round Two!

As October has come to a close and Christmas approaching I have been starting to think about the project that just one year ago I introduced. For those who are new to my blog and Ayla's story; two years ago I had a sweet baby girl who got extremely ill during Christmas break and later passed away (you can read her story here). We spent three weeks in the hospital and hospice surrounded by families that may never have a normal Christmas with their children. It was so heartbreaking to witness and as Christmas approached last year I wanted to give back and let the parents know that they are not alone. It is such a devastating road, and one I would never wish on anyone.

A year ago I introduced a project I called Ayla's Stocking. The idea is to collect toys and little stocking stuffers not only help lift the spirits of the children, but to help relieve the stress that comes with Christmas for the parents. Last year we collected over $1000 in toys and at least that in gift cards. I am still in awe at the support we received and I am hoping that this year goes just as well.

 I expected Ayla's Stocking to be small and thought only my closest family and friends would participate, what I got however was far more then I could ever have imagined! Not only did you humble me with your generosity, but you gave so much love and hope to the families that truly needed it. I cannot believe how well it went last year and now that Christmas is coming up again I would be honored if you all participated yet again.

A couple weeks ago I got a phone call from my Aunt Janice, she told me that every year her workplace brings donations for a charity to their Christmas party. This year she surprised me by saying that she talked to her manager and they agreed to donate to Ayla's Stocking! I am so thankful that Aunt Janice thought of my project and am so excited to see how it will turn out. It is continuing to grow and I love it! And I know that Ayla is just as happy to see it expand :)

This year will be similar to last year, I will be collecting items until December 18th and driving up to Calgary to deliver them to the Flames Rotary House on either the 19th or 20th. From there the staff will distribute the gifts as they see fit. Last year I got to hand-deliver a couple and the joy on the children's faces were such a sight to see. If you want to donate you can either drop the gifts off directly or mail them to my parents house.

So here's a quick reminder of things you can give:

- Infant rattles, rings, teether type toys

- Gift cards that can be given to families (Toys R Us, Walmart, Tim Horton's...)

- Pyjamas of varying sizes

- Craft kits (with supplies all enclosed) or small boxes of pencil crayons, crayons, markers, etc.

- Musical toys (anything that plays sounds or music, push button toys...)

- Slippers (children and adults)

- One-size fits all stretchy gloves

- Toques and winter hats

- Books (mostly infant and teen books)

 

These are just some ideas, if you have ones of your own then by all means go for it.

I know that it has been almost two years but I remember everything about those three weeks with absolute clarity. I can even tell you the outfits I wore from day to day :P. But more then that I remember how much everyone banded together to keep my family and I going when we all felt like we had nothing more to give. You kept me from shutting down completely and I know that if it had not been for all the little things each individual did, whether it was visiting us, stopping by to give my mom and I a massage, a gift basket, a box of sushi, providing meals to my brothers who were left at home alone for the first day, for the many meals that came after, and even the simple things like uplifting texts and a prayer offered in our behalf, we would not been able to endure those weeks as well as we did. I wish you could understand the impact you have had on my life, and I know that the families that are in similar circumstances feel the same way.

Even if you don't donate to Ayla's Stocking I would encourage you to serve someone around you and keep the true spirit of the holidays in your heart.

 

Because that is what Christmas is truly about.

 

 

 

As a side note; if you want to know more about Ayla's Stocking and the success we had last year I have added a tab at the top of the page with all the posts I have written regarding it. I will continue to update it with any new posts and news as time goes on.

Delivering Ayla's Stocking

I tried writing this post many times and it never seems to come out just right. But I feel like with Christmas fast approaching I need to write my feelings while they are still fresh. So here it goes :)

I went up to Calgary this past weekend to deliver most of the gifts that were given for Ayla's stocking (I have a few items that I'll be delivering later on). How can I describe in words the overwhelming response I received. I was so humbled at how everyone banded together to make a difference in the lives of so many. 

In all I think we had close to $1,000 in gifts and almost $1,000 in gift cards. Not to mention the home knit toques and mittens! It was such a wonderful sight for me and having lived the life of those parents for a short time last and this year I understand how much it means to see that people care. 

I had the opportunity to give two gifts in person to children with handicaps. I am pretty good at keeping emotions in check around others, but a boy made me tear up with joy. The nurse told him that I had brought a gift for him, as soon as she showed him the truck his face just lit up and he started giggling. He was so excited to have the truck that I couldn't even take it to take a picture with the nurses and my family. 

For me this is what Christmas means. It's about the joy of uplifting others. If that's all I received for Christmas, that would be enough. :)

Ayla's Stocking: Helping Families in Need

So for a while I have mentioned a Christmas idea I have been working on...I think now is a good time to tell you about it. I have called it Ayla's Stocking.

Last Christmas was wonderful, probably the best I ever had! This was due to my beautiful daughter teaching me the true spirit of Christmas. I found joy not so much in the gifts I received, but in picking out small gifts for my little Ayla. She was happy and such a joy to have. 

I will forever be grateful for my one and only Christmas with Ayla. But as you know shortly after that beautiful day, she got very ill and later passed. Being in the hospital during the most joyous time of the year, and realizing that for so many families Christmas was anything but joyous made me grateful for what I had been blessed with. 

Next door to Ayla in the ICU there was a cute curly haired boy who had a Christmas tree up in his room. By the look of it he had been there for many months. I cannot even imagine spending Christmas in the ICU. I tear up thinking about the pain these people endure. 

When I later was in the hospice waiting for Ayla to die I met one family that looked so sad. They looked so drained. I probably did too, but it was if they had no hope left. It was heartbreaking. Their child died not long after we arrived. 

So between these and other experiences I had I decided that I wanted to give to those who are suffering, who may never have a normal Christmas with their child. So in thinking and pondering over this for the past couple months I came up with a small idea, one that I hope will spread and lift the spirits, even for a moment, of these families. 

So I decided to call the project Ayla's Stocking. I am going to fill the stocking that I made for Ayla last year with little stocking stuffers and small gifts, then two weeks or so before Christmas I am going to deliver it to the hospice and hospital, where they will distribute the gifts to families that are there for the holidays.  My goal is to let these people know that there are people who both care, and understand their pain. I want them to feel that they are not alone.

Now for the fun part, I think it would be amazing if I can get as many people involved as possible. I would like anyone who is willing to also participate! I am putting up a stocking at work and asking for donations from families there through the month of November until the beginning of December and I will also allow people to drop off or mail some things directly to my parents house up until December 13 (this should give you plenty of time). 

I talked to Megan Miller, a social worker that I got to know at the hospice and she gave me some ideas of things that could be given:

- Infant rattles, rings, teether type toys

- Gift cards that can be given to families (toys r us, wal mart, tim hortons...)

- Pyjamas of varying sizes

- Craft kits (with supplies all enclosed) or small boxes of pencil crayons, crayons, markers, etc.

- Musical toys (anything that plays sounds or music, push button toys...)

- Slippers (children and adults)

- One-size fits all stretchy gloves

- Toques and winter hats

- Books (mostly infant and teen books)

These are just some ideas, if you have ones of your own then by all means go for it.

If you would like to participate you can either send me a message via Facebook or leave your email in a comment below and I will be in touch. 

I know that this may not make much of a difference but I want Ayla to be remembered this holiday season. This is the best way I can think of. So this is the plan. I am so excited to see how it plays out! :) 

Again thank you for the love and support my family and I have received over the past year and a half. I will be eternally grateful to everyone for their kindness.