Fears and Dreams

Yeaterday I had a chance to reflect on my biggest fear and biggest dream. At first glance it may seem simple, like a one word answer or a simple phrase. But there is so much more to it, fears have a way of either inspiring you to do better or cause you to put it in the back of your head and never think about it. Dreams can also have that effect, if you choose to ignore it thinking it won't ever happen chances are it won't. It can also drive you to do anything in your power to get it.

Well after some thought I found that my biggest fear is failure. Failure to be become who I meant to be, failure to listen to others, faliure to see what's right in front of me, failing to miss opportunities because I am going to fast, falilure to get good grades, failing to make the most of this life...Now I know that we are told to do our best and the Lord will do the rest, but what if I think I am doing my best but really I could've tried harder? This is by far my greatest fear, I want to become all that I can be and sometimes it feels as if I'll never reach my full potential. Yes I'm being overdramatic but failure is honestly the thing that scares me the most.

On the flip side my biggest dream right now? This place:

Cardston Alberta Temple

I want to go through a session for myself, then after that first time go for others on the other side. I love how the temple changes people, I can always tell after someone has gone through because there is just something different about them. It's hard to explain but I want that. So bad. Through the years I've picked up bits and pieces but I still have no comprehension of what actually occurs. I remember one time when I went to pick my parents up at the temple as I sat in the van waiting for them to come out I just stared at the temple then as I was scanning it I looked at the top room I had this overwelming feeling of peace and I started to tear up. Actually every time I think about going inside I get emotional. I just want it so bad. There is so much to learn and I can't wait for the day when I am permitted to enter.

I sometimes feel like I shouldn't be wanting it this bad at my age, I mean I'm only twenty! I've had this conversation with my mom many times and it always comes to the same conclusion; good things come to those who wait. But one good thing about wanting it so bad is that I am not willing to let anything get in my way, and believe me when I say even if I have to wait another five years I will still have the same passion and want it just as bad or even more then I do now. I don't know when my dream will come true but I know that in the end all the waiting will be worth it :)

Not Shoes This Time!

So today I went to Walmart to pick up a few things, and as I was walking to the pharmacy I looked up and saw some pictures, I thought they were nice, but I have resisted pictures before (usually I can't justify spending tons of money), but then I saw this...

I don't know what it was about this one as oppose to the other ones but it stood out to me. It's so calming and peaceful. I literally stood there for a few minutes just looking at it and trying to convince myself that I didn't need it, that I shouldn't buy it. But I couldn't walk away from a deal like that! To me this picture seems like it should be way more then twenty dollars, so I justified it...and now it's sitting on my bed waiting to be hung up. But hey, it's not shoes this time!

Favorite Playlist of the Day

Again I'll say I love music. My favorite playlist right now? The Pride and Prejudice soundtrack (if you haven't seen the movie, you should!). I listened to all the songs last night and am doing it again tonight. It's perfect studying music, it's just so relaxing so having it in the background makes it easier to focus.
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In other news I am just about finished my homework, and it's only eleven! I know I find it pretty amazing as well. It might have to do with the fact that my psychology instructor changed the deadline of my assignment from tomorrow to Monday so I have all weekend to do it :). Also my activity in practicum went well, the child who came to let me read a book to her was engaged, did everything that I had written in my objectives, and she asked me to read it to her from end to begining (in my head I was cheering because that means that I could show off my open-ended-ness). I love days like this :)

Thoughts

Today in class we were listing things that we are good at, mine were things like piano, reading, ect. then one girl in my class said procrastination...it was then I realized that I too am very good at procrastinating. I always think "I'll do it tomorrow" or "it's not due for a couple of weeks" but then tomorrow never comes and those couple weeks turn into the next day. I also tend not to do my readings, because I procrastinate I am always scrambling to do assignments the night before so I don't get a chance to do my readings. Maybe if I actually stayed on top of these things then I wouldn't be so stressed. So I have decided to do all my assignments ahead of time, then I could do my readings and maybe my marks would imporve. So since it's on the web for the whole world to see I figure I now have more accountability.

In other news I went to institute last night :) It's amazing how your day instantly improves after attending institute. I had the worst day and institute turned it all around.We talked about the Priesthood and although I'm a women and cannot hold the Priesthood directly I still find it so interesting. I find it amazing how men have the ability to bless and recieve a direct link to Heavenly Father, they can say things that are so profound and can say things to help you in your personal life that they don't even know your struggling with. I find it pretty fantastic. I am so grateful that I grew up in a home where the Priesthood was always present, even now it's weird not having it in my house, I mean my dad is only twenty minutes away but still it's not the same. But I know if he ever needed me he would gladly come into town. and I'm sure when my brothers are old enough to give blessings they would do the same thing.


PS: My feet are healing! They still look gross still but they don't hurt at all. Except when children decide to play a game of 'step on Julie's feet because she yelps in pain when we do'.

Fipped, Turned, and Thrown

Note to self: When the dance instuctor looks at you and says "you look small enough" and pulls you into the center for a demonstration, please put on some shoes or else you may end up with bruises like this...

It looks worse then it is through, and I have to admit it was pretty fun. Basically I was thrown in the air, flipped, turned, and told to flip backwards and dive headfirst toward the ground, scary...yet fun. Luckily the instructor held me up and all I did was land on my feet wrong (and that was my fault). But next time I think I'll watch someone else be the guinea pig, I'm sure it looks much more entertaining from the side :P

Little Shoes :)

all pictures found on: http://www.joyfolieblog.com/

Kalina showed me this website last night and I may be in love, if I had a little girl right now I would buy all of these...really I love them. And there are tons more where these came from!

Friday

It's Friday! I am so happy this week is over, between a new practicum placement and with classes starting to get into full swing it's been a long one. But last night I went to interview my roommates for a project and of course we spent 3 1/2 talking and surprisingly I actually got up on time this morning and felt rested

THEN I found out one of my classes was canceled :) so I had a couple hours to chill at home. No worries I was actually productive, I cleaned my entire room (which has not been this clean since before Christmas...)but there's nothing like a couple hours to refuel you. I love days like this, then later I am going to start on my laundry, speaking of which does anyone else love the feeling of clean sheets? I love it.

To top off a great day it was nice and warm outside!! I actually liked walking from my car to class today, and usually when I gave to park on the far side of the parking lot I hate it but today I didn't :) I'm hoping this day will continue into tomorrow so I can finish an activity and play area planning sheets, those can really suck the life out you (it takes about four hours for a play area planning sheet :S). But that's tomorrow and for tonight I'm going to relax :P

All Over the Place

Ok it's one of those days where I have no desire to do homework, like in the past hour I have only done two out of my four reflections...I don't even know what's distracting me. Actually I do, the internet obviously since I'm blogging :P. I even was texting a friend and I was told that he was no longer going to text me because I should be doing my homework. Well even after the texting stopped I am still distracted. Even this post is lame and all over the place :P Anyways I went to institute and that was fun, I feel so much better after attending. There's nothing like an uplifting end to your day :)

Oh funny story. Yesterday our house was freezing, I was shivering so bad in my room so I decided to come and sit on the couch,. Well I grabbed my blanket and wrapped it around my head and the rest of my body then curled up in a ball. Well. Kim decided to come out of her room just at that moment, and do you want to know what she said to me? "Julie you look like ET!" then Kalina comes out and starts laughing and all the while I am shivering. So Kim invited Kalina and I into her very toasty room where I curled up on the floor for a bit. It doesn't sound as funny on the internet but believe me if we had captured that moment you would be laughing too.

Anyways I really need to get off the internet...thanks for bearing with me through this random post!

Sacrifice

Today our relief society lesson was on sacrifice and I have to say that it wasn't until I got to my parents house that it hit me, Abraham was told to sacrifice his son which he was very willing to do. What we forget is that Abraham's son was not a child, he was a grown man and if he had wanted to he could have fought off his father. But knowing that the commandment came from the Lord he was willing to give his life. Another aspect we fail to remember is that Abraham was almost sacrificed as a younger man himself so putting his son through what he thought he had avoided when he escaped must have been very difficult for him. But by excercising faith he showed the Lord that he was willing to do whatever was asked of him. I love this story because it shows me that whatever the sacrifice we never have to do it alone, the Lord always makes up for some of it. It's a comfort to know that there is always someone there for us and we never go it alone :)

Places I Want to Go

I would love to travel the world someday, after going on my Europe trip I realized how much I love seeing other countries and cultures. Here's a few of the places I would like to visit :)



England



Scotland

Ireland

France (again)

Italy <3 (again)

Germany

Australia

So there you have it, I'm sure there are many other places that I will come up with but for now these will do :P.

PS: I just noticed that most of these places are in Europe, anyone care to take me, I'm small enough to fit into a suite case...please?

Found on google

While looking up random things on google because I don't feel like doing my readings at the present time I came across the picture above. When I own my own home and have money to spare (not likely but anyway...) I will own this book case, and have a room for it too. I love reading and imagining having this gorgeous book case as well as a room to put it in makes me happy. Can you imagine having a room where you can go and have a huge selection of books to read? I would never get bored! And it's better then TV. Seriously I would spend hours in there and probably never come out. Ok so maybe it won't happen, actually I know it won't but it's fun to dream right? :P

So I started school yesterday...it wasn't to bad though. I think I'm going to enjoy my classes and there aren't as many assignments this semster so maybe it won't be as hard as the second years tell us? I hope not anyway. So I really should do my readings...lame.

I Can Go The Distance

I have a confession; I connect Disney songs to life. My current connection? I Can Go The Distance from the movie Hercules :P. No really it can relate to life in that we are constantly trying to find where we belong and who we are. Sometimes it seems like we can’t go on and life is to hard but this song talks about going the distance and doing anything to find out where we belong. I’m lucky in that I know where I’m going and I know where I’m meant to be. Some lyrics that I found to have an impact on me was “I have often dreamed of a far off place, where a great warm welcome will be waiting for me, where the crowds will cheer when they see my face, and a voice keeps saying, this is where I’m meant to be.”


I know that where I am now is where I’m meant to be, and time after time I have had that still small voice confirm to me that I am on the right track and if I continue on this road there are so many things that I can be blessed with. If I go the distance and continue to do what’s right I will end up where I belong. When the going gets tough I need to remember that “I know every mile will be worth my while, I will go most anywhere to find where I belong”. I hope that when I do pass on that there will be crowds cheering my name telling me that I did everything that I could in this life. I know that I can go the distance :)

Anyways I should stop applying songs to my life but tonight this one had a impact on me. So there’s my thoughts for the night :P

More of the Same

So not much has happened since my last post, mostly just hanging out with my buddies at daycare and laughing at the things they say to me.One quote I find quite entertaining happened a couple of days ago; I was talking to my co-workers when one child approached me and repeated my name mutilple times trying to get my attention, so finally I turn to him and say "Yes *Child O* (I can't use names)" and he then says "I am Mr. Evil Dr. Porkchop" quickly then walks away. I have no idea where this came from but it was hiliarious never-the-less :P.

I had an interesting experience on Monday. I went to Julianna's house to play games and hang out with her when I felt like I should head home, I thought to myself why I felt this way at 8:30 at night but I did not ignore this feeling and started heading home. Now earlier in the evening I had taken my brothers into town to use up some coupons that expired that day and to trade vehicles with my dad so that I could see on the way home (my car had a burnt out headlight). My dad warned my that his car did not have snow tires so I needed to be extra careful on the way home.

After getting out onto the highway I realized that the snow was blowing pretty bad so I drove about 10-15km below the speed limit to be extra careful. That was good and I made it all the way to Wilson Siding without any issues. Well as I turned to switch into the righthand lane I noticed some ice, thinking I would be smart and slow down even more I touched the break...bad idea. I don't remember exactly what happened but I skidded into the left lane almost hitting the ditch then almost went into the ditch on the left side and then some how I ended up facing the wrong way on the road. Interestingly enough I just did a U-turn and continued on my way home. I was calm all the way home and didn't start crying until I got home and realized how much danger I was in. I am so grateful that some one was looking out for me that night, the fact that there were no vehicles in either lane, I never actually went into the ditch, and was able to drive another ten mintues without breaking down was incredible.

It may have scared me but I realize how much we are watched over and how if we listen to impressions no matter how small they may be, we will be blessed.

Anyways on a higher note school starts again next week. But I am SO not ready for real life again :P

2010 Overview

Can you believe that it's already 2011? Neither can I, it seems that years are begining to fly by. What once felt like ages now feels like a small moment. When your a child all you want to be is a grown up so that you can do things how you want and when you want. But when you do become that adult you always wanted to be you realize that things were so much simpler in the lunch box days (name that song! :P), you had food in the house without having to pay for them and somehow the laundry was always done. I'm not saying that I totally miss those days because that chapter in my life is closed and I have to continue to move forward, I have so much more to learn and yearning for the past doesn't do anything. My life is great and I love it. And alhtough I no longer live at home I still have the love and support of my family, no matter how old I am they are sill my family :)

 Ok enough ramblings about life :P Today in between my napping periods I've been thinking about all the things I acomplished in the past year:

-I bought my first car; then sold it :P then bought another car, all with my dad's help of course.
-I applied for school, with the feeling that I have finally figured out what I want to do.
-I saw my Denver (and now Portland as well) cousins.
-After realizing that I need to venture out on my own I found a place and moved out of my parents house.
-I finished one semester of college without being complete roadkill :P and I maintained a B average.
-I have made new friends and grown apart from others.
-I learned how to cook from scratch on a regular basis.
-Learned to go with the flow because things never work out the way you think they will.


But coming into the new year I have no idea what's in store, like really no idea. I know that my life this semester will be even more school centered and I know that I am guaranteed a summer job at the daycare. Other then that I have no idea, it scares me sometimes but I have learned that going with the flow is the best way to go, life is going to happen and continue to move forward no matter what, so I might as well live in the moment. So I guess we'll all have fun seeing how things play out in the next year :)