Tears

I was going through my dresser the other day and found a book of blog posts from last year...I don't like being negative but for tonight I'm going to allow myself to be sad.

It's hard. Harder then anything I've done. And sometimes I am angry. But I've learned anger doesn't solve anything. It causes more pain then good. I'll be okay, I always am. But I've also learned it's okay to cry. It will get better. Things will always get better through The Lord. For now I just need to go off faith.

New Reality

I never realized how much a baby changes your life. All of a sudden everything is about her. I don't do things for me without thinking of her first, getting up at three in the morning to feed her has just become regular, I think of myself as a mother first and everything else comes second. But really it feels right. Like this is the way it's always been. Sure I don't get to go out as much or do something with friends spur of the moment. You know what though? I wouldn't have it any other way :)

Motherhood

I was re-reading a post that my friend Megan wrote a while back and although all of it was beautiful this stood out to me today:

"Last but not least... when your whole little body is achy and tired... and you're sitting in a chaotic room amongst a screaming inconsolable baby... and you think to yourself:

"What. the (insert word of choice here) am I doing? How on earth can I measure up to this task? Am I even making any difference at all?"

I want you to remember this: you are making a difference. You are making a bigger difference than anything you could ever think of imagining right now. One day I'm sure that all of us Momma's will realize just how much of a difference we made... and it will be an overwhelming thing. Imagine your greatest 'worldly dream'... mine would probably be becoming a concert pianist or something of the sort; something that you feel would bring you recognition from the world. Whatever feelings of recognition that you will feel from accomplishing your greatest 'worldly dream' will pale in comparison to the sense of accomplishment you will feel from Motherhood. I can promise you that"

Motherhood is hard. Harder then anything I've done but at the end of the day when I look at my beautiful baby girl I know that it's all worth it.

One Month

Today marks the one month date for Ayla...has it really been one month? I can't believe that little baby I brought home four weeks ago is one month old today. It's crazy how much they grow and how much your life changes when they come.

~Ayla is such a good natured baby and loves cuddle time.

~We enjoy nap times together.

~She loves music, even when mom sings along in the car. At least I think so, she never complains :P

~She's very alert,  to the point where at church she stays awake for the whole three hour block.

~She gets the hicups at least once a day.

~Ayla deffinately loves to eat, a couple nights ago she was up at 1:30, 3:30, 4:45, and 5:50.

~After her 5 o'clock feeding she thinks it's time to wake up...

~She's pretty spoiled.

~For the first three weeks I let her sleep with me, but now she sleeps in her own bed.

~She has grandpa wrapped around her little finger.

~I think she's growing out of her newborn sleepers.

~She's still just as tiny as ever.

~Ayla has no patience, she likes to be fed as soon as she wakes up. If I don't get up fast enough she gets very angry.

~She is also the sweetest little spirit I could ask for.

I love her so much and love being her mom. I'm still learning but I can't wait to grow and learn with her.

Ayla at 1 Month

Letter to Baby Girl

I've been meaning to do this for a while but being Julie I haven't yet :P A part of me is nervous to be speaking to a child. My child mind you. But I know that in the future I'll look back on this and be grateful I did. So here it goes;

Dear Baby Girl,

Being your only a few weeks away from coming into this world I thought I should write to you. It seems so strange to be writting as a mother...I don't know how to even begin. Well I guess I'll begin by saying that your dad and I love you so much (always remember that, life will be rough and there will be times when you don't think we do). We're excited to see your little face and for you to join this world. But we're scared too. No one writes a book on how to be the perfect mother, and to be honest I have very little idea what I'm doing. I'm only twenty one :P I take this job very seriously and want you to know that I have and will always try my best. But don't blame me for mistakes I may make.

You already have been a great strength to me. I love feeling you move inside me and know that you are very much there. In times when I'm sad or upset I love that I can just reach down and feel you. I love you so much and can't wait to hold you in my arms. It's strange to think your dad and I created you. This tiny little person sent from heaven specifically for us. I can't tell you the overwelming feeling of responsibility I feel knowing that God has put you here for me to raise you. It's a pretty hefty job but like I said I'll try my best.

I hope to always teach you that the biggest goal in life is the temple. I have found so much strength and power from attending the temple and I hope you will too. Even from the begining I have always felt closest to you inside that beautiful house. That's where you want to be my little one. I hope to not only tell you this often but show you through my actions.

You have many people who already love you. Uncle Eric likes to feel my belly (you?? I don't know what's my space anymore. You are in my body right now so he's trying to feel you but it's through me). Uncle Chris tried to give you Teddy Grahams the other day. You kick them off my belly. Grandma and Grandpa O'Brien like to watch you move too. Grandma can't wait to show you fireworks...you didn't really like them before you were born...dad's games made you jump as well :P. Dad is about the only one who can calm you down. You respond to his touch in way that you don't respond to me. He loves you baby girl and loves to read stories to you :). You have family in BC who also love you very much. They're pretty excited to meet you. You'll be loved by everyone.

Now for more advice. Be strong; this world is a scary one and there are people here and on the other side who will try to lead you astray. They will do anything to have you, try any means to make you fail on this journey, but I have felt of your sprit and know that you are far stronger then I am. There may be people wanting you to fail but there are far more wanting you to succeed :) You can do it. I know you can. Just remember that God is always here for all of us, he will never abandon you.

I don't really know what else to tell you right now but I'm sure as we get older I'll have much more to say to you :P. Much of it will probably be ignored but that's ok. I'll still say it anyway. I can't wait to see you! I bought some starter up shoes for you, so no worries about that :P You'll love them. Anyway there's my letter to you. Hope to see you within the next two weeks(!!)

Love,

Mom

PS: Love this song

Lyrics:
Sent to this earth
You were saved through the ages
for this day and time
Child of great worth
Child of promise, daughter of the Divine
Pure and holy in a little, white dress
You were held in a circle
and you were blessed

Chorus:
And the Father looked down
And the angels surrounded that place
They knew the truth, all that you could do
And you will, too, if you have eyes to see
What heaven sees in you

Dressed in white once more
Making promises to follow in God's way
So much lies in store
For the little girl who enters at the gate
Pure and holy in a little, white dress
You were led into the water and you were blessed

Repeat Chorus

Do you understand who you are
Part of the Father lives in you
If you continue on this path
Every promise God has given will come true

Heaven on earth
In the house of God, so much fills your heart
and mind
Woman of great worth
Woman of promise, daughter of the Divine
Pure and holy in a long, white dress
You promise forever and you are blessed

And the Father looks down
And the angels surround that place
They know the truth, all that you can do
And you do, too, 'cause you have eyes to see
what heaven sees in you

Will you have eyes to see
What heaven sees in you

*This song is by Mindy Gledhill

The Temple

Recently I had a friend ask me what I loved about going through the temple. And with all the weddings that have been going on its hard not to reflect on that beautiful house. For those who haven’t gone through it is almost foreign, those who do go through rarely talk about what goes on in there and it feels almost secretive in a way. I remember having that feeling about a year ago. Granted most people didn’t obsess about it as much as I did but people are still curious. Back to the question :P It’s hard to pinpoint just one or even two things I love about it. I have always loved visiting the grounds and I hope that I can instill that same love to my children. There’s power in even just sitting on the grounds. They are so cleanly kept and maintained so no matter what season it is they always look beautiful. So I guess the first thing I love is the grounds. I love the feeling you receive upon entering, the peace and relief is wonderful. I have felt it many times. The past few months I admit I lost sight of that. The temple wasn’t giving me as much joy as I thought it ought to but as I entered with a different attitude this time I felt that peace once again, a peace that I haven’t felt in almost seven months now. Sure I was going every couple weeks but I wasn’t allowing my burdens to be lifted. Turing things over to the Lord is difficult for me especially when I don’t know his plans for me. This past time I did, and honestly I felt…happy. I love the promises given inside. Sure they go both ways but if you listen there are some very powerful things said. It’s in the tough times that you really listen and reflect on the words as well as the feelings. It’s in those moments that you realize that yes you are taking on some hefty promises but the rewards are far sweeter then you can imagine. I try to focus on one thing every time so things don’t get too overwhelming and it’s amazing how much I learn. Over the past few months (and really from the beginning) I have felt the presence of my unborn child. It sounds strange but the strength I receive from her little spirit is amazing. I feel closest to her in the temple and quite honestly she loves it in there :) When I get to the end of the endowment she is literally trying to escape. It’s quite interesting. She’s not the only one I feel for there are countless others, but the love I feel from all of them is amazing. You don’t realize it but we are constantly being watched over, I just feel closer to them there. I could go on and on but those are some of the things I love. Each experience is different and everyone is different. That’s the beauty of it I suppose, it’s personal. And I will never let myself become complacent. I have and always will love the temple. Nothing will ever prevent me from not having that temple recommend in my hand. Any trials that come my way and whatever the future holds for me I know that if I continue to do this for me and my daughter that we will both be strong. I can’t wait for the day when I can take her through and I hope that I will have the strength to teach her of how important the temple is.

Baby Girl

Wow it's been a loooong time. Sorry about that. Ive been busy with work and other such things. Since I don't know where to start I'll just talk about how pregnancy has been treating me or rather the things that people can tell you but you don't get until after life is inside you:

~Hormones really are the worst, I cry at least once a day and really it's getting old
~At the begining the baby feels like popcorn, just tiny movements and it's one of the best feelings in the world
~Now I feel kicks. Tons. She (oh yeah I'm having a girl) likes to kick me in the ribs, the side, the other side and now she sticks her head way up into my ribs.
~I think she has bruised my side.
~ Sleeping is becoming more challanging.
~Setting up the baby room is the best :)
~The amount of love you feel when you can sit on the couch and watch your belly move is amazing.
~Shoes really are the best (Chris feels baby doesn't need winter boots since she won't be walking in snow that's only an inch deep...I beg to differ :P)
~My belly really does look like I stuffed a basketball up there, from the back I don't even look pregnant.
~There comes a point where you need to pee all the time.
~Due to my first point I worry about becoming a mother and have break downs about it.
~Work is a pain.
~Sometimes I do toot because it takes lots of momentum to get up then I laugh so hard I toot again...lovely.
~I'm scared to death right now...but I know it will all be ok. She has been my strength and I know once she gets here she'll love me and give me comfort through the hard stuff.

That's all for now! I'll try to keep you all updated more in the next seven(!) weeks :)

Motherhood

I'm so exausted right now. AND really should go to sleep but I just realized how much of a burden I have right now. It just hit me. Inside me is one of Heavenly Father's children intrusted to Arles and I to raise and teach...how could I ever measure up to such a huge responsibility? Motherhood is a huge deal. Many people don't get it, children come straight from heaven and as such they need to be taught the right way. Not the worldly views. I love how my parents raised me and I hope I'll come close to the parents they were. Life is so special and I'm overjoyed to be a part of this process. It's going to be hard. It's going to be frustrating. I'm going to cry, yell, break down. But that's the thing, this is only a trial run and eventually our children will come to appreciate every momment in their lives.

Excuse the spelling errors. I am pretty tired :P

PS: Read this letter to me from one of my good friends Megan. It made me cry

Soundtrack

So as you know I love music. So much. And this post has been in the process for a while, I’ve been trying to comprise a list of songs that describe my life in the past year through music. I think I’ve finally got it :P So here you go;

1. I Gotta Feeling-Black Eyed Peas
2. Crush- David Archuleta
3. Merry Go Round-Suzie Mcneil
4. A Little Bit Stronger- Sara Evans
5. When I Look At you- Miley Cyrus (Yes I know what you’re all thinking…really Julie, really?? :P)
6. Just So you Know-Jesse McCartney
7. Love Story- Taylor Swift
8. Marry You- Bruno Mars
9. Just A Kiss-Lady Antebellum
10. Letters to Juliet Instrumental Song
11. Ours-Taylor Swift
12. I’ll Be- Edwin McCain
13. Here in Your Arms- Hellogoodbye
14. I Wanna Party- Rio Soundtrack
15. Love Story/Viva la Vida- Jon Schmidt

Sorry about all the love songs :P what can I say, my life has been a romantic comedy. You know the ones filled with cheesy lines and lots of laughter? Yup it’s one of those. There are so many funny moments that we have had. Especially with my Christmas obsession…Arles makes fun of me. At one point I was setting up the tree and listening to Christmas music when Arles starts to sing the wrong lyrics and off tune might I add. It was something about farts..anway so I turned to him and said “Don’t ruin this for me!” After which I closed my eyes and rocked to the beat of the music…he found it quite hilarious. Other nights we talk in our sleep. Apparently Arles was buying a sweater that was too small. I told him off while he was awake and I was sleeping. Oops :P. I could go on and on but I’m sure no one else finds them funny. Last year was filled with excitment and I know this year will be just as exciting :)

I'm the Lucky One

So yesterday I came home to find an arangement of flowers sitting on our table, not only did I get some lovely flowers but Arles gave me a wedding planning book as well. Often days I wonder how in the world I got so lucky, he is so easy going and willing to help whenever needed. Like yesterday for instance, Kim and I were complaining about how dirty our house is getting and next thing we know he has a cloth out and is dusting the house down. He's always the first to do the dishes and most nights when I'm begining to stress out he is the one to calm me down. He is wonderful and I can't wait to spend eternity with this man.

It's been an eventful week for me. Work has been pretty slow but I actually don't mind since I got tons more planning done. On Wednesday not only did I get my ring (!!) I also gained a niece. Her name is Desiree and by the looks of the pictures she is one of the cutest babies I've ever seen. I can't wait to go and meet her along with the rest of the family next week :). Arles and I also went to look at a place. When we got there we were a little bit early so we knocked on the front door. Little did we know we actually know one of the girls living upstairs. When the landlord got there we along with three other people began to fill out applications. Since Arles and I were the only couple it took us twice as long to fill it out, but it was actually a good thing it did. While I was finishing up my part Arles talked to the landlord for a bit then she told us that she is willing to offer us the place if we want it.

It's amazing to me how much the Lord loves us. Everything for this wedding has been falling into place, it shows me that we are making the right choice. If someone would have told me back in April that I would be married by my next birthday I would never have believed them, but like I said we both have recieved a conformation that this is right. And no matter what people may say about us. We know and the Lord knows. That's all that matters :)

PS: I'm heading to the states later to pick out a wedding dress...!!!!!! I'm so excited :)

The Long Awaited Story... :)

I don't even know how to start this post quite honestly. So I guess I'll just say it. I met a man. And he's amazing. I tried to be vague in previous posts but since it's on facebook...I'll just come out and say it. I am engaged. Yes. Care to read that again? :P I Julie O'Brien am getting married. Does that look strange to you? Yeah me too. But I know it's right. We both do and you know what? Yes this will come as a huge shock to almost everybody but we both feel very strong feelings that this is what we're suppose to do. If you know you know right? So I guess you'll want to hear the story...

Well back in April I saw this guy sitting in church and thought "hmm, he seems like a nice guy" so natrally I asked a friend if he was single. Turned out he was but being Julie I didn't talk to him. Then as quickly as he was there, he was gone. So I gave it up for a while, there was no chance he would ever like me in that way I thought.

Well three weeks later guess who showed up in town? Arles Tippie. Again the butterflies started and I was told to ask him out, which I never do. Ever. Now this is the past that may send some people into confussion. I started dating someone else. But then at the YSA conference I found myself liking him more then my boyfriend, which really shouldn't happen. I hung out with him all weekend thinking that nothing could ever happen between us, how could it ever? I was with someone else. But never the less we talked and laughed together.

That next night I had a dream where I was dating Arles WHILE I was in a relationship with the other person. I knew I was with the wrong person, but I didn't feel like explaining that. Turns out my ex felt the same way, he broke it off a couple days after that. I wasn't sad. My ex and I had only dated a week so I felt no obligation to him.

Now here comes the part you might be familiar with :P I went to FHE and there I got soaking wet. Arles was one of those lovely men who was dumping water on me all night. We flirted and laughed. He tells me it was then he knew I liked him and turns out he liked me too. So after that I added him on facebook, we started talking until two in the morning about random stuff. No one can make me laugh like he can. Really.

He then proceeded to ask what fun things there were to do around here. I gave him some ideas then all I get is "how about all of the above?" I was a bit confused so I asked what he meant then he says "how about we start with a walk around Henderson tomorrow?" Oh my gosh he was serious, he had just asked me out.

Well at church we talked a bit and I honestly thought he had forgotten about our walk until he asked me when would be a good time to go on it. So we went. We walked and talked. We laughed tons. Then spontaneously we start listening to a concert playing for the dragon boat races. It starts to rain so we start to dance in it. We danced in the rain :) He came back to my place and we watched a movie. He kissed me.

Monday I slipped in the back at FHE. Or so I thought :P. He was put in the hot seat and they asked the normal questions "What do you look for in a girl?" "Sweet or salty?" but then they ask "when was the last date you were on?" He says "Yesterday" Well it didn't end there Stephanie Drew decided to ask "Who??" You know how I so thoughtfully slipped in the back? He saw me. And in front of everyone said "Oh she's sitting right in the back". I pretty much died. They never ask who! Anyways it was fun never the less. He went to play rugby and I played with Jill's neice...big surprise there :P. After FHE we talked and he came over to watch a movie with Kim, Jessie, and I.

The rest of the week we went on a few dates and hung out tons. I really liked this guy. And something happened between us that is hard to explain, ket's just say after much thought and prayer we both recieved an answer as clear as day. I knew. He knew. And now we had to decide what to do with that knowlege. It hadn't been very long. At all. Funny enough when asked previous what our relationship was, Arles said "let's just take it slow" later that night he told me he was falling in love with me. So mucd for slow hey? :P

But somehow it all just felt right, so I took him to meet my parents. My dad and him hit it off right away. It was like he was already part of the family. He took my brothers swimming and helped load the dishes after dinner. My family I think was hooked at that point, my parents knew something was coming. And fast. My dad then invites him for Sunday dinner, something I never expected him to do. I thought to myself "wow, my dad really likes him!". Eveything was falling into place.

The night after I was talking to Arles about how I am scared that this will end and he'll leave me heartbroken. Remember I had fallen quite a bit for this guy. He was exactly what I always wanted in someone and not only did he care deeply for me. He showed it. Well then he told me that he had asked Kim my ring size (at this point I think I muttered a couple "oh my gosh"s I was in shock). He asked me to be sealed to him for eternity. I said yes. The whole next day at church we wanted so bad to share the news but he wanted to talk to my dad to gain his permission first.

At dinner everything went well, we talked more, he got to know my family a bit more. But I could tell we were both on edge. What if my dad said no? Of course we would respect his wishes but we both KNEW.It took Arles until 10:00 to finally spit it out. I think it was so perfect in that my dad stood up, shook his hand, and said "I would love you to marry my daughter". We were on cloud nine and finally we could make things offical. So we did. After we phoned his parents of course :P.

It hasn't been easy and people are continuously telling us what a mistake we are making. But the more I am with Arles the moreI know it will be ok. I love him so much and know that this is real. The fact we have had so many spiritual experiences tells me that this is what we are meant to do. The wedding plans are all falling into place, and we are just happy. The date has been set and whether people think we're crazy or not is irrevelant (there are quite a few people who have expressed their concerns either to our face or behind our backs). We know, and the Lord knows. That is all that matters. Plus I finally have an apointment to take out my endowments! You have no idea how excited I am :). Everything that has happened to me in the past year makes sense now and I can't wait to begin my life.

September 17th I'll marry this man here.

Anways there's the story. Sorry about the length but I love this story. And I wanted to share it with the internet world. Keep your eyes open for more plans and wedding stuff as they come up. We are so exctied to be doing this. Together. :)

Se La Ve

I, Julie O'Brien brought another person to the blogging world. It's pretty sweet :) I love blogging and I especially love gaining insight into other people's thoughts. In a way blogging is like a journal...one where the whole world can see it. I love it but sometimes I hold back just a tiny bit, just to keep the suspense :P.

With that said I would like to say how truly happy I have been this week, I can't believe how things are working out for me, quite honestly it's weird. I'm just waiting for the rug to be pulled out from beneath me like it has been all the times before. It hasn't yet. And somehow I feel like it won't be this time. Weird right? Actually no it's not that weird I'm just silly and ignore signs. I must be prepared and ready or else Heavenly Father would not have thrown new people and experiences into my life. Each has prepared and led me up to where I am currently standing. I really wasn't expecting this, not yet anyway. But like I said I have to believe I'm ready for what is to come next. You know how I said at the begining of the year that I felt like something huge was about to happen? Yeah I am still getting that vibe, however it's begining to make more sense and it's only half way through the year!

The thing is though I am not all that scared for what seems to be coming, of course I am a bit scared, that's a given with any change. But there is no such thing as coincidences and I don't believe in the fate mumbo-jumbo stuff. There is only Heavenly Father and his plan. Sure we stray off the path a few times but we can always get back on track eventually. I've had some interesting experiences this week and they have brought me closer to some of my goals. I know what I want. And although life keeps throwing me upside down and every which way, I'm keeping focused on Heavenly Father and trying to turn to him for guidance, because frankly I can't do it alone. No one can.

***

Yesterday was Canada Day :) Although this year I did not attend the parade I went home and had a good chat my mom while the boys were swimming. Our deep conversations often end in tears and yesterday was no acception. I love my mom to death and am thankful that she and I can have conversations like we do. I have great respect for my dad as well. He's always been there for me and never have I seen him raise his voice in full fledged anger. He's a hard worker and always looks out for his family. He has been there for me through everything. As I get older the relationship with my parents change, and although I know it will change even more as I get older, they will always be my parents.

Anyways after the boys got home from swimming we all ate dinner and talked for a while. It still makes me smile how much my dad talked to my special friend last night. And how much he liked talking to my family members, we were there for almost six hours! I have to say though, it was neat to see :).I can't wait for more visits like the one we had last night.

I ended my Canada Day with the fireworks at Henderson. I love this country and the freedoms I have. Life is good.

This Thing Called Life.

"A curve ball can be hard to hit in baseball, but when you do...it can be a home run"

Again, I got to comfortable. I've really got to stop doing that...anyways it just seems my life has been so crazy lately. Quite honestly I don't know where this is all coming from. Each week just keeps getting better and better and it seemed that some things finally clicked these past few days. Let's just hope it stays that way, but really who am I kidding, life never slows down. But honestly I am begining to understand why I had to go through so much the past couple years with work and school among other things. It just all came together in a way. It's interesting how life works sometimes.

But the quote above is fantastic, and so very true. It all depends on your stance and how you go about hitting the ball, you can just throw in you're bat and say "I'm done" and give up. Or you can line yourself up and prepare for it so when it does come you can hit that home run and make it back to our true home (if you couldn't tell I love interperting quotes). Isn't that what this life is all about? Trying our best to hit those curve balls and in the end it makes you a better player, not only in terms of baseball but a better player in life. Every new curve and angle makes you into a better person, a stronger person. If we were thrown easy ones we wouldn't learn that sometimes you have to get a few misses in order to get that almost perfect hit. I need to work on this, everyone has their mess ups and no one is perfect.

Humbled.

Have you ever wondered how people percieve you? Or what the first thing that pops into their head when they hear your name? I don't really care what other people think of me and that's how it should be. But twice in the same day I got a glimpse of how two of my friends see me and was surprised at what they see. I was telling my friend Chuck about my day yesterday and he told me that he likes how I'm always diligent in seeking happiness, how because of what I did he's going to do better in that area as well. Then later I was talking to Julianna on the phone and she told me that besides her mother I'm the strongest person she knows...as well as when people ask who the kindest person she knows is, it's me she thinks of.

How can people see something that I don't see in myself? I was so humbled by both conversations. I'm just trying to do my best like everyone else, so why is it that people are so inspired by me? I don't see myself as that strong or that inspiring, sure I actively try my best in all that I do but what's so motivating about me? I tried to tell both of them that there are far greater people out there to look up to, but both of them basically said that it's because I'm actively trying to better myself that they think I'm so awesome. I'm not perfect (no one is) and the fact that my friends see me in this light is beyond comprehention. Again I am so humbled by their words. It's hard for me to accept compliments, especially ones this hefty...but I have to admit it makes me feel good. Perhaps I am making some progress in becoming that person I have always strived to be.

So many blessings came from one simple act yeterday. So many. I have gained a greater sense of direction and know where my priorities lie. I'm going to knock on wood here but I think that I may have just overcome a huge hurtle in my life. Everything feels so peaceful, all that stress and helplessness that I have been feeling for the past three or four months has left. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and it feels amazing (yes mom, an 'I told you so' is in order :P). And to think when I got up yesterday morning I almost didn't do it! But I am so glad I did.

This is who I am. The girl writting this post is me. I am finally happy.

New Layout

Since it's spring time I decided it was time for a change.So I decided to change up my layout, it looks very plain but I think I'll like it this way. I would rather people focus on what I have to say more then how cute my blog looks.I also changed up my blog decription "Sometimes the best things in life are not the once in a lifetime occurences; rather the everyday simplicities." And yes that deffinately came from my head :P pretty profound right? Well anyway I will expand on that a tiny bit.

 Sometimes we wait around for the huge WOW factor, the things that make you go "well that was amazing!". But often in waiting around for those you miss the simple things, the tiny moments where you gain a glimpse of eternity. Look around you, there are so many spectacular things in this world, the opportunity to be alive is amazing in itself. I have realized that in the hussle and bussle of everyday life we forget to live. I am very guilty of this, often I just go on autopilot and forget to enjoy life, but I'm trying to gain a greater perspective. I can't believe how fast it's going, and how much even in the past year of school I've learned not only academically but spiritually and emotionally as well.

This semester I've just cruised along, probably missing out on many opportunities for friendships and growth. But honestly if I had to do things over, of course there would be things I would change, but I have realized that through experiences I have had new insight that might not have otherwise come is now mine to keep. I'm trying to keep the insight I have and continue to love life because to be quite honest I do love life. I do love where I am. I do like where I'm heading. I love who I have become. So from now on I'm going to keep things simple, so I can learn to see things in a differnt light.

Conference and Other Random Thoughts

"I love to see the temple, I'll go inside someday."

Yesterday and today was General Conference. I loved it. Although I only saw bits and pieces of yesterday morning's session due to the internet cutting out quite a bit, I still got tons out of this weekend. It's amazing to me how the leaders of our church know exactly what needs to be said, it may be uncomfortable to talk about but you can tell they are so passionate about what they are saying. I know that what they say comes from Heavenly Father and everything they say is for my benefit.

 I cried (actually bawled is more like it) this morning durring President Monson's talk about temples, it's something I feel strongly about and something that I wish those who have the opportunity to do temple work would take advantage of. It's one of those things that is so important to me and I hate seeing people being so casual about it. If nothing else works out for me in this life I would be perfectly happy if I had that little piece of paper in my pocket. It's everything to me and I want it so bad. I just laughed at myself through the tears, here's a snippet of what just went through my head; what twenty year old wants to attend the temple this bad? Honestly Julie, pull yourself together...you're twenty!! But when I do have that piece of paper I'll appreiciate it so much more.

My mom and I had an interesting conversation this afternoon. We were talking about how angels are all around us and most times we don't even recognize it. I don't always realize it but there is a connection with one in particular that I do recognize, and she is here tons. Although I don't remember her much I know that she is here more then we realize. This angel is my Grandma Wood. There are times that I feel her very close. My mom always said that I had a special connection with her and I do believe I do, I was her drooly Julie :P. There are times (quite a few times actually) that I wish she were here and that I could talk face to face with her. Sometimes I just want a hug. I think she does give me some and lately I have afraid that I have disapointed her, but she has been close and in her way giving me a hug as if to say that no, I haven't. I don't think I could ever do anything to make her think less of me.

I think I've said this before but I have no memories of her when she was here on the earth, however, I have some blurrs of after she left. I used to talk to her before I went to bed, it's silly but I laid in bed telling her about my day. I don't know for sure but I would like to think that she listened as often as she could. It's not just me she's around though, I think that she loves her family and visits all of us as often as she can. I can't wait for the day when I can ask her :). I'm grateful for the knowlege that I will be able to see her again, I don't know where I would be without this church.

In other news my roommates and I are redecorating again :P (pictures to come later). I love my life :) Anyways I should start packing for my school trip...yay for having to be at the school at seven am!!

Tagged

Yay for my first tag :) There is this blogging thing that has been going around and one of my high school best friends tagged me. Her name is Megan and I adore her. Saddly life has been so busy for the past while so I haven't had a chance to hang out with her but as soon as school is over I plan to have many visits with her and her sweet baby boy :). I miss her.

So here's the list:
1.List three things you love about yourself.
2.Post a picture you love.
3.List five bloggers to whom your passing this along to.

1. This one is hard for me because I tend to get down on myself quite a bit.With that being said I do have some things I love about myself;
A) I love being me, there is no one like me and for that I'm grateful. I may be a product of my parents and how they raised me (which was fantstic by the way, I love them so much) but I am my own person with my own mind and thoughts. I am unique. I am my own kind of beautiful. I am a daughter of God who has the potential to become something far greater then I can even fathom. I love who I am and who I am becoming.

B) I have the ability to feel others pain. This is both a blessing a curse because I tend to take on everyone's problems. There were times in high school where I layed in my bed and cried over something that was happening to someone else. I've gotten better at distancing myself from others problems but even now there times I want to help someone with a major issue and unfortunately I can't. It kills me. But I do love how I can try to relate to people, I'm a naturally caring person and love to listen and try to be there for moral support. My entire life I've been the person who attempts to be strong for others just so they can feel like someone cares. Everyone needs a friend :)

C) I love how I'm not perfect. This may sound strange but I honestly do love how as I go through life I have so many chances to grow and develop as a person. How much would I truly get out of life if I was a perfect person and couldn't progress further? My experiences define me; they have, and continue to, make me into the person I am. Yes at times I wish I could skip the whole 'learn through my own mistakes' thing but really it has made me stronger. The thing I love the most though is that I'm not done learning, I have so much more to learn and I will never be perfect in this life. It gives me an opportunity to grow.

2.

I love my roommates and couldn't ask for anyone better to live with when I'm not at my parents.
PS: I was trying to find a current picture of my entire family and didn't suceed, I guess we'll just have to get on that :P

3. Laura

    Kalina

    Lindsey

Sorry just three for me :)



Bliss :)

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A good afternoon :)

For those of you who are not aware of the state of my room, before yesterday, had not a 'makeover' (aka a nice cleaning) in months. But yesterday I decided that a cluttered room makes a cluttered mind so I buckled down and did it, I even went as far as to tackle the front enrty. I love spring cleaning :) and chocolate is always a welcomed addition to any day....

Also Kalina and I have this impulse to change up our living room, but even though I was dieing to do it last night we decided to wait for Kim and her expert interior design ways to get back from a school trip. But I can't wait to change things up, it's almost spring time so I feel a need for a change. I see all the cute colors, flowers and spring things that I want to get them all. But my bank account is not happy with me as of late so I'm trying to resist :P Hopefully in a month (if all goes well) though I'll be making some money again :P. 

Only three weeks then I'm free!!

Looking Up

Today has already been great :) Although I went to bed at four this morning (ooops...) I woke up so excited for the day. Mostly because I have been planning all week to wear a dress, but I couldn't earlier this week due to practicum :P. I loved it though, dresses make me feel happier. I don't know why but what you wear often defines your mood, so when I put on a cute dress I feel good and therefore my mood is lightened as well.

Tonight I went to my parents for dinner and although my mom and dad left for the temple I had a great conversation with my mom. I am so happy that I have that kind of relationship, the kind where we can discuss anything and she listens and understands me. I also LOVE how much my parents attend the temple, because of them I have had grown up with a love and yearning for going inside to be sealed like they are. We can be an eternal family because of the decisions they have made. I love them.

I got to watch A Walk to Remember tonight, I forgot how much I love this movie. It may be an older one but it still makes me cry. I like how it's a simple love story, no sex, no uneeded making out, hardly any swearing, it's just a sweet simple love story. I would recomend it for all ages (if you haven't already seen it). Also my visiting teachers are taking me to the dance tonight so I don't have to go alone. It's amazing how when I felt the most alone the Lord provided me with visiting teachers to make me feel included in my ward. I am so happy today.

This week I have been so happy, even with school and assignments I feel great. It's been a long time since I've felt this way. Even with a million things to do this weekend I feel...joyous, I am so happy with where I am in life. I'll admit one month ago I didn't know how I would get through the rest of the semester but things started turning around two weeks ago, I started to feel like myself again. If anything I am stronger then I was and I have a better sense of what I want. I've rounded the corner, no looking back :). It's funny how once you start doing things such as paying your tithing and attending FHE things immediently start getting better. I can't wait to see what other blessings are in store because it seems that after the biggest storms comes the largest blessings.

Get Back On the Merry Go Round

My roommates and I were talking tonight and Kim brought up and interesting metaphor, I liked the concept so I added some more detail to it:

Life is like a merry go round, you get on and spin at a nice relaxing pace for a while. Then all of a sudden there's the one kid who comes by and asks if he can join you, against your better judgement you say yes, knowing full well that this kid is much bigger and stronger then you and given the opportunity he will try to get you off the merry go round. You could have turned him down but no, your strong enough right? so you said yes. He starts spinning you and again you think to yourself "wow this is getting a little out of control" but you ignore it, thinking all will be well.

Before you know it you are spinning way to fast. You scream and tell them to slow down, you were comfortable with the pace you were at before. "Please go back to the way it was, I liked where I was at!" you say but they continue to spin you faster and faster until you fly off. Does he care? No. And now not only are you face down in the dirt with a skinned knee but now you have to run and try to get back on. All you want to do is give up, to break down and cry. But what good will that do? You will just have to work twice as hard to pick yourself up and catch up again.


Life likes to throw you off sometimes, but you have to decide to pick yourself up off the ground and get back on that merry go round as soon as you can.

Life doesn't stop or slow down for anyone.

Random I know, and it most likely doesn't make that much sense to anyone. But I guess all that matters is that it makes sense to me. Thanks for bearing with me :)