Ayla's Story

So Ayla's journey into the world was a bit of a longer one but I'm sure it was an interesting one for her never the less. And it was a neat experience for me as well. It's something that people can tell you about but until you have a child you really don't know what to expect. To be honest I didn't think I would be able to do it. But I did and now there's a beautiful baby in my life :)

My labor started on the 30th of August (the Thursday before), I had been having braxton and hicks for months so for all of Thursday I didn't think much of the constant contracting. But this time they were coming regularly, so I kept an eye on them and timed them. They varied from half an hour apart to two hours. At this point they weren't to painful.

I continued all of Thursday night so I thought for sure I would have her Friday. Nope. They continued to be about half an hour apart. By Friday night however they were more painful and got to be about eight minutes apart but again I just kept an eye on it. Eric timed them on my mom's iPad for me. At this point I was doing everything to make the labor progress. Including taking all the herbs I could and bouncing on the rebounder.

Again I didn't sleep on Friday night but the labor was still sparatic. So for the third day in a row I was sitting at home waiting around. But they got more intense and by Saturday night I was in pain. Back labor had started and anyone who had back labor knows that it is probably the worst kind of pain you can experience in labor (almost). They were eight minutes apart but I decided to go to bed.

They continued all night and about five in the morning on Sunday I called Arles and he came over to wait until they were five minutes apart. They finally were at about ten so we all headed to the hospital, where they sent me home because I wasn't dialated enough. We went home and I rested for a while (my contractions were still every five minutes). By dinner they were really hurting so we went to the hospital. They sent me home. Again. They asked if I wanted morphine (seriously???)

I went home frustrated and in pain. I probably cried for most of the evening and by eleven I was in such pain that I really thought I wouldn't make it through this. I had been in 'false' labor for days and was still at home. I went to bed and attempted to sleep between contractions. It didn't work. My mom so willingly helped me through each one, I really couldn't imagine what was going through her head. I was not in a good place at that time. Finally at three I was drained and hadn't even started the real labor yet! I called Arles again and we met him at the hospital. This time I could barely walk. Never had I felt such pain and there was that fear that they would send me home again. I felt that if they did I would have the baby at home (not true but still, I was not exactly rational at this time). But after checking me they found I was four centimeters!!!!!

That's where the hospital labor began. I ordered an epidural as soon as I was admitted and was high on a cloud. I was laughing and feeling like myself again :) I love the epidural. We were all finally able to rest a bit. Arles continuously was making me laugh though. We were pretty excited that we were finally going to meet our baby.

I stayed at four for a while but I didn't mind, I was just enjoying the whole experience. I also enjoyed being able to watch the contraction monitor go way up and then level off. I couldn't feel a thing :). Once I hit five though I had the urge to push. People can tell you that your body knows what to do but until you experience it, you don't really know. So for about an hour I fought the urge to push. That was probably one of the worst parts. I needed to push. Everything in my body told me to push. And I had to fight it.

But when the nurse checked me again I was nine centimeters. One more then I would be on the home stretch. Once she told me I could push I was so relieved that I went right to it. My mom was on one side and Arles was on the other. I went into my zone and fought with everything I had. To this day I still don't know where my strength came from. They told me that the pushing could last up to two hours...I wasn't going to do that. I closed my eyes and blocked everything out. All I said in that forty five mintues was "ok" then nod at my mom and Arles indicating that I was going to push.

It was so amazing and I was so amazed that I had that kind of will power to do it. I was so close and all I had wanted for nine months was to see my beautiful baby. I was so close. With every contraction I felt more and more ready to bring a new life into the world. Finally I heard Arles exclaim that he could see her. Never had I felt such a need to do what my body wanted me to do. I gave it everything I had and finally Doctor Coma pulled her out. This little tiny being was there. I couldn't say anything, I was in such shock that when asked if I wanted to hold her I just stared blankly at the nurse. But my mom answered for me and said yes.

The outpouring of emotion was amazing. Here was this child that I am now responsible for. Arles and I created her. She was finally here. There was so much running through my head. Every day I look at her and am in awe over how perfect she is. I love being a mom. I love that through the entire process my family and Arles and countless others were so willing to help me. I can finally say that I understand unconditional love. I love my little girl :)

The Temple

Recently I had a friend ask me what I loved about going through the temple. And with all the weddings that have been going on its hard not to reflect on that beautiful house. For those who haven’t gone through it is almost foreign, those who do go through rarely talk about what goes on in there and it feels almost secretive in a way. I remember having that feeling about a year ago. Granted most people didn’t obsess about it as much as I did but people are still curious. Back to the question :P It’s hard to pinpoint just one or even two things I love about it. I have always loved visiting the grounds and I hope that I can instill that same love to my children. There’s power in even just sitting on the grounds. They are so cleanly kept and maintained so no matter what season it is they always look beautiful. So I guess the first thing I love is the grounds. I love the feeling you receive upon entering, the peace and relief is wonderful. I have felt it many times. The past few months I admit I lost sight of that. The temple wasn’t giving me as much joy as I thought it ought to but as I entered with a different attitude this time I felt that peace once again, a peace that I haven’t felt in almost seven months now. Sure I was going every couple weeks but I wasn’t allowing my burdens to be lifted. Turing things over to the Lord is difficult for me especially when I don’t know his plans for me. This past time I did, and honestly I felt…happy. I love the promises given inside. Sure they go both ways but if you listen there are some very powerful things said. It’s in the tough times that you really listen and reflect on the words as well as the feelings. It’s in those moments that you realize that yes you are taking on some hefty promises but the rewards are far sweeter then you can imagine. I try to focus on one thing every time so things don’t get too overwhelming and it’s amazing how much I learn. Over the past few months (and really from the beginning) I have felt the presence of my unborn child. It sounds strange but the strength I receive from her little spirit is amazing. I feel closest to her in the temple and quite honestly she loves it in there :) When I get to the end of the endowment she is literally trying to escape. It’s quite interesting. She’s not the only one I feel for there are countless others, but the love I feel from all of them is amazing. You don’t realize it but we are constantly being watched over, I just feel closer to them there. I could go on and on but those are some of the things I love. Each experience is different and everyone is different. That’s the beauty of it I suppose, it’s personal. And I will never let myself become complacent. I have and always will love the temple. Nothing will ever prevent me from not having that temple recommend in my hand. Any trials that come my way and whatever the future holds for me I know that if I continue to do this for me and my daughter that we will both be strong. I can’t wait for the day when I can take her through and I hope that I will have the strength to teach her of how important the temple is.

Baby Girl

Wow it's been a loooong time. Sorry about that. Ive been busy with work and other such things. Since I don't know where to start I'll just talk about how pregnancy has been treating me or rather the things that people can tell you but you don't get until after life is inside you:

~Hormones really are the worst, I cry at least once a day and really it's getting old
~At the begining the baby feels like popcorn, just tiny movements and it's one of the best feelings in the world
~Now I feel kicks. Tons. She (oh yeah I'm having a girl) likes to kick me in the ribs, the side, the other side and now she sticks her head way up into my ribs.
~I think she has bruised my side.
~ Sleeping is becoming more challanging.
~Setting up the baby room is the best :)
~The amount of love you feel when you can sit on the couch and watch your belly move is amazing.
~Shoes really are the best (Chris feels baby doesn't need winter boots since she won't be walking in snow that's only an inch deep...I beg to differ :P)
~My belly really does look like I stuffed a basketball up there, from the back I don't even look pregnant.
~There comes a point where you need to pee all the time.
~Due to my first point I worry about becoming a mother and have break downs about it.
~Work is a pain.
~Sometimes I do toot because it takes lots of momentum to get up then I laugh so hard I toot again...lovely.
~I'm scared to death right now...but I know it will all be ok. She has been my strength and I know once she gets here she'll love me and give me comfort through the hard stuff.

That's all for now! I'll try to keep you all updated more in the next seven(!) weeks :)

Interesting Week

Sorry about not blogging much but again with the move we don’t have internet again. It’s lame. Anyways I feel like I need to write about my past week. It’s been a scary one, but at the same time I have learned more life lessons. With my pregnancy I have had some cramping issues. Being my first pregnancy I thought this was normal but Wednesday night and Thursday I had some complications. Without going into too much detail I thought I was going to lose my baby. It was one of the scariest experiences I have ever had; I don’t wish this on anyone.

There is nothing like a mothers love and I never realized how much I love my 4cm baby until there was a 50% chance I would lose him or her. It was rough but out of this came the opportunity for me to see it. I had an emergency ultrasound and in that room I saw it. I saw a little life that lives in me. I saw it move. Nothing, absolutely nothing can describe what it felt like to see a little heart beating through its tiny body. The ultrasound revealed that the baby was fine and its pulse was normal as well. Who knows what caused the complications, but that night so many prayers were offered in my behalf. I believe that everything will be ok and I am one of the 50% of women who make it through this with positive results.

My doctor is taking this seriously and really through this I realized how much people care. The doctor was tearing up when he was telling me basically there is nothing he could do. Megan brought me ice cream and kept tabs on me via Arles, my mom came to the ER to offer support, as well as been there to keep me company, my boss hugged me and told me to take all the time I needed, and last of all my husband Arles, my other half, was there every step of the way. Without Arles I wouldn’t have held up as well as I did.

This experience was one I hope to never repeat but I have gained a better relationship with my Savior, without Him I would have lost hope after my first episode. But I knew that whatever the outcome, it would be the right one. But I am grateful that baby is still alive and well. I look at that picture many times a day and know that the baby is a miracle. Although I’m bored as heck being on bed rest my baby is making it all worth it. I love her/him so much and can’t wait to hold that baby in my arms. Arles and my baby.

PS: Charlotte is due only a couple weeks before me :) I am so excited for her and can’t wait for our babies to get to know each other.

It's Official

Not that I haven't anouced this already but I'm pregant! I got the "you're pregant" from the doctor today :) It's a weird feeling to be honest; inside me is a tiny little alien-looking embryo. Something Arles and I created. I've known since the begining, I craved sushi for the first week of my pregnancy. Then about two and a half weeks ago I started throwing up. If I didn't love baby so much I might be mad at how this tiny little life makes me sooooo sick. But no worries. I'll have drugs for that soon :). Well that's all I have for now since I have work in half an hour...but I'll keep updating :)

{Eternal Love}

It's been a week :). Everything on my wedding day went as planned and it was beautiful!! The weather was gorgeous, the sealing was extra special, and my husband (!!) and I are an eternal family. I could tell you all about my day but it really just flew by quickly, I am so happy. I thank God every day that Arles came into my life because I can't imagine life without him. Seperate we're wonderful people but together we just seem to fit. He makes me better and makes me want to hold true to everything I promised him in the temple. We even went back on Thursday to do some sealings. It was an awesome experience and I'm glad Arles and I both have the desire to attend the temple as often as we can. It's interesting how close you are to the other side when your inside. The first time I went through I felt the presence of someone very close to me {Grandma Wood}. Not only was she there that day but last week as we were in the sealing room I noticed that beside my mom there was an empty chair...it wasn't empty. She was there, the sealer told us that we had some special guests in the room with us and it was then I realized how close angels really are to us. They are always there, the hard thing is reconizing it. I love married life and can't wait to see how it plays out. :)

I Love to See the Temple, and I Went Inside.

I went to the temple last night! I can't really put in words how I feel other then I hope every member of the church strives to be worthy to enter that sacred place. I love it. I can't wait to go over and over again. It is somewhere that I can escape the world. I really wish I could explain with words how happy I was to be there and to commit to the higher law but I can't. It's felt not spoken. I'm so grateful for everyone that got me to this point and I can't wait to go next week(!!!!) with my future companion. He's wonderful and I love I got to share this experience with him.

Worthy to Enter

I have one.

I have a temple recommend.

I'm just one signature away from being able to enter.

Forever Isn't Long at All

I feel like this post has been stewing for a while now but never had the courage to write it out. Blogging is truly the window to my thoughts. There's only one person who can see into my mind and he's my best friend. I feel like we've known each other for a very long time. The more I'm around him the more I know he's the one for me.

Anyways back to what I originally planned to write. Here it goes. I was re-reading some blog posts from not to long ago and it made me realize how lucky I am now. I was in a dark place. A place I never want to go back to. I was being hurt by someone, someone who I really cared about and at the time I thought I was happy. I thought I could fix it;  I thought I knew what I was doing. I didn't. I broke off the toxic relationship and I believe that was the best decision of my life.

Without everything that happened to me I would not be ready for what came next. Arles. It was almost two weeks after everything ended that I saw him. He was what I always wanted, what I knew was good for me but I didn't feel that I deserved him. Not that I ever talked to him :P Like I said I felt very inadaquate of him. But funny enough I was told that he thought the exact about me.

Both of us have experienced things that have brought us both to this point. Without those experiences I would not have him right now. I remember reading somewhere that there is more then one person out there for you, that any worthy young man and any worthy young woman can make it work. But I know that Arles and I are meant for each other. He is outgoing and fun, I'm more quiet and observant. But he brings out a side that most people don't see. I'm spontaneous and fun. I ran through a water park fully clothed the other day. Just randomly :P. Arles looked at me as we were driving by and said "do you want to go?" my reply was "right now?" he answered "yup" so we did.

We just get along, I don't think we've had a serious argument yet. We've been planning this wedding for almost a month now and we have not hit any snags. Everything just seems to fall into place for us. Basically all we have left to do is the finishing touches. We have the temple booked and my endowment apointment booked. That's all that matters :)

Have I mentioned how grateful I am that he can take me to the temple? Well I am. Everytime I think about going it brings tears to my eyes. This is all I have wanted for a very long time. I had even decided that I didn't need a man to take me, that I was going to go just for me. Well that's when Arles was thrown into the mix :P but I find it interesting that as soon as I decided I was going for me, that the Lord found me ready enough for marriage. I not saying I feel ready yet, not in the least but I know that if it was wrong I would know. My parents would know. That everyone really close to me would know. But none of us have those feelings.

Yes we have been getting looks and people talk behind our backs. They think that we're taking it to fast. Granted I know we did. But you know what? We have eternity to get to know each other and waiting a certain length of time would be stupid. We both knew and so why put it off?

I really love this man. He is my everything and really, who else would sit through Harry Potter with me when he hasn't even seen the other movies? :P I am the lucky one. I can't believe that I have him in my life. And that in seven weeks we will be in the sealing room being bound for all time and eternity :).

All time and eternity!

The Long Awaited Story... :)

I don't even know how to start this post quite honestly. So I guess I'll just say it. I met a man. And he's amazing. I tried to be vague in previous posts but since it's on facebook...I'll just come out and say it. I am engaged. Yes. Care to read that again? :P I Julie O'Brien am getting married. Does that look strange to you? Yeah me too. But I know it's right. We both do and you know what? Yes this will come as a huge shock to almost everybody but we both feel very strong feelings that this is what we're suppose to do. If you know you know right? So I guess you'll want to hear the story...

Well back in April I saw this guy sitting in church and thought "hmm, he seems like a nice guy" so natrally I asked a friend if he was single. Turned out he was but being Julie I didn't talk to him. Then as quickly as he was there, he was gone. So I gave it up for a while, there was no chance he would ever like me in that way I thought.

Well three weeks later guess who showed up in town? Arles Tippie. Again the butterflies started and I was told to ask him out, which I never do. Ever. Now this is the past that may send some people into confussion. I started dating someone else. But then at the YSA conference I found myself liking him more then my boyfriend, which really shouldn't happen. I hung out with him all weekend thinking that nothing could ever happen between us, how could it ever? I was with someone else. But never the less we talked and laughed together.

That next night I had a dream where I was dating Arles WHILE I was in a relationship with the other person. I knew I was with the wrong person, but I didn't feel like explaining that. Turns out my ex felt the same way, he broke it off a couple days after that. I wasn't sad. My ex and I had only dated a week so I felt no obligation to him.

Now here comes the part you might be familiar with :P I went to FHE and there I got soaking wet. Arles was one of those lovely men who was dumping water on me all night. We flirted and laughed. He tells me it was then he knew I liked him and turns out he liked me too. So after that I added him on facebook, we started talking until two in the morning about random stuff. No one can make me laugh like he can. Really.

He then proceeded to ask what fun things there were to do around here. I gave him some ideas then all I get is "how about all of the above?" I was a bit confused so I asked what he meant then he says "how about we start with a walk around Henderson tomorrow?" Oh my gosh he was serious, he had just asked me out.

Well at church we talked a bit and I honestly thought he had forgotten about our walk until he asked me when would be a good time to go on it. So we went. We walked and talked. We laughed tons. Then spontaneously we start listening to a concert playing for the dragon boat races. It starts to rain so we start to dance in it. We danced in the rain :) He came back to my place and we watched a movie. He kissed me.

Monday I slipped in the back at FHE. Or so I thought :P. He was put in the hot seat and they asked the normal questions "What do you look for in a girl?" "Sweet or salty?" but then they ask "when was the last date you were on?" He says "Yesterday" Well it didn't end there Stephanie Drew decided to ask "Who??" You know how I so thoughtfully slipped in the back? He saw me. And in front of everyone said "Oh she's sitting right in the back". I pretty much died. They never ask who! Anyways it was fun never the less. He went to play rugby and I played with Jill's neice...big surprise there :P. After FHE we talked and he came over to watch a movie with Kim, Jessie, and I.

The rest of the week we went on a few dates and hung out tons. I really liked this guy. And something happened between us that is hard to explain, ket's just say after much thought and prayer we both recieved an answer as clear as day. I knew. He knew. And now we had to decide what to do with that knowlege. It hadn't been very long. At all. Funny enough when asked previous what our relationship was, Arles said "let's just take it slow" later that night he told me he was falling in love with me. So mucd for slow hey? :P

But somehow it all just felt right, so I took him to meet my parents. My dad and him hit it off right away. It was like he was already part of the family. He took my brothers swimming and helped load the dishes after dinner. My family I think was hooked at that point, my parents knew something was coming. And fast. My dad then invites him for Sunday dinner, something I never expected him to do. I thought to myself "wow, my dad really likes him!". Eveything was falling into place.

The night after I was talking to Arles about how I am scared that this will end and he'll leave me heartbroken. Remember I had fallen quite a bit for this guy. He was exactly what I always wanted in someone and not only did he care deeply for me. He showed it. Well then he told me that he had asked Kim my ring size (at this point I think I muttered a couple "oh my gosh"s I was in shock). He asked me to be sealed to him for eternity. I said yes. The whole next day at church we wanted so bad to share the news but he wanted to talk to my dad to gain his permission first.

At dinner everything went well, we talked more, he got to know my family a bit more. But I could tell we were both on edge. What if my dad said no? Of course we would respect his wishes but we both KNEW.It took Arles until 10:00 to finally spit it out. I think it was so perfect in that my dad stood up, shook his hand, and said "I would love you to marry my daughter". We were on cloud nine and finally we could make things offical. So we did. After we phoned his parents of course :P.

It hasn't been easy and people are continuously telling us what a mistake we are making. But the more I am with Arles the moreI know it will be ok. I love him so much and know that this is real. The fact we have had so many spiritual experiences tells me that this is what we are meant to do. The wedding plans are all falling into place, and we are just happy. The date has been set and whether people think we're crazy or not is irrevelant (there are quite a few people who have expressed their concerns either to our face or behind our backs). We know, and the Lord knows. That is all that matters. Plus I finally have an apointment to take out my endowments! You have no idea how excited I am :). Everything that has happened to me in the past year makes sense now and I can't wait to begin my life.

September 17th I'll marry this man here.

Anways there's the story. Sorry about the length but I love this story. And I wanted to share it with the internet world. Keep your eyes open for more plans and wedding stuff as they come up. We are so exctied to be doing this. Together. :)

Enhanced Vocabulary

So recently I have enhanced my vocabulary...gamers vocabulary to be more specific :P. Who knew in order to understand gamer talk you needed to learn a whole new language? Apparently you do. Almost every night for the past week I've watched the boys upstairs play Call of Duty, and with the help of Jessie and Andrew I have defined a few words:

Camping hard: When someone hides out in the spot you reapear at after you are killed. It's the cheap way of getting kills.

Noob: Not exactly sure what it means but I know it's said tons. Usually it's said  in frustration, "Ahhhh! Noob..."

Nuke town: A nuclear town, there's tons of bombs and such going off. It's a good time.

(A personal fav) Winning: "While trying to stick someone with a grenade you are killed, but you kill them as well." This is different then 'win'

Win: When you get 75(?) kills and move on to the next round.

(Also a favorite) Failing: "To be stabbed in the gut". Such a lovely description.

I'm sure I'm missing quite a few words but I'm somewhat understanding what's going on now. But I don't think I'll ever really get into playing it, it's to entertaining to watch the person playing. Apparently it's intense. It's alright though, as long as it doesn't become a huge addiction it's all good. Although the "ha ha I just stuck a knife in your face!" talk concerns me a little :P.

***

On a side note yesterday the Elders came over and taught a lesson to Jessie's best friend. I have never sat in on a lesson to a non-member before and it was great. Seeing someone get a light in their eyes and knowing that there is something there that wasn't there before is by far the most amazing thing I've seen in a long time. I love this gopel so much and being able to watch someone learn and actually take the challange to find out for themself is mind blowing. The lesson went well and by the end he had commited to read the Book of Mormon and come to church on Sunday (which I'm giving a talk at, I thought I could stay invisible forever...apparently such is not the case).

I really am just amazed at how one person can effect another. Jessie got baptized a month ago and already is spreading the gospel, something I have never been good at. His testimony is so strong, so powerful, and pure that you can't deny that he knows it. He's brought me close to tears on a couple of occasions with his testimony. I wish every member had that fire.

Anyways we all had a good chat and I can't wait to see how this all pans out. I love this gospel. So much. There is so much I want to say but can't find the words to express it. I am so spiritually filled today and so happy for the gospel in my life. Without it I wouldn't be the person I am today :) Well anyway there will be more posts to follow. There is tons going on this weekend and I plan on taking as many pictures as possible. Keep an eye out :)

PS: This is my hundredth post!! Crazy hey??

Humbled.

Have you ever wondered how people percieve you? Or what the first thing that pops into their head when they hear your name? I don't really care what other people think of me and that's how it should be. But twice in the same day I got a glimpse of how two of my friends see me and was surprised at what they see. I was telling my friend Chuck about my day yesterday and he told me that he likes how I'm always diligent in seeking happiness, how because of what I did he's going to do better in that area as well. Then later I was talking to Julianna on the phone and she told me that besides her mother I'm the strongest person she knows...as well as when people ask who the kindest person she knows is, it's me she thinks of.

How can people see something that I don't see in myself? I was so humbled by both conversations. I'm just trying to do my best like everyone else, so why is it that people are so inspired by me? I don't see myself as that strong or that inspiring, sure I actively try my best in all that I do but what's so motivating about me? I tried to tell both of them that there are far greater people out there to look up to, but both of them basically said that it's because I'm actively trying to better myself that they think I'm so awesome. I'm not perfect (no one is) and the fact that my friends see me in this light is beyond comprehention. Again I am so humbled by their words. It's hard for me to accept compliments, especially ones this hefty...but I have to admit it makes me feel good. Perhaps I am making some progress in becoming that person I have always strived to be.

So many blessings came from one simple act yeterday. So many. I have gained a greater sense of direction and know where my priorities lie. I'm going to knock on wood here but I think that I may have just overcome a huge hurtle in my life. Everything feels so peaceful, all that stress and helplessness that I have been feeling for the past three or four months has left. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and it feels amazing (yes mom, an 'I told you so' is in order :P). And to think when I got up yesterday morning I almost didn't do it! But I am so glad I did.

This is who I am. The girl writting this post is me. I am finally happy.

Finding Personal Happiness (day one)

Lately I've been a little down, and quite honestly I know that the person who was feeling that way was not me. I'm happy with my life and where I am so feeling that way was strange, but earlier this week I came up with a plan to change that. Today was the first day of my plan and it went wonderfully. I have not felt this at peace and happy in a long time and I cannot to wait to continue this. There were so many blessings that came today from doing one simple thing. I'll tell you more about details in a while but for now I just want to keep the specifics to myself. Just know that I am finding happiness and feel at peace with where I am. My goals will become reality soon but like I was told not to long ago "be patient" they will come but just in the Lord's time and not my own, this is hard to except but it will be worth it in the end. I also came to the realization that it's not where you are now, but where you are heading that is important. Today was wonderful and much needed. I wish I could express in words how I feel but I can't, I'm just plain happy and know that the Lord is proud of me for who I am becoming; I may not be able to do some things but I know that if I keep myself worthy and continue to head down this path there are so many things in store that I can't even imagine. I love this feeling. So much.

PS: I purchased a church book today. I have a feeling that I'm going to really like it :)

Conference and Other Random Thoughts

"I love to see the temple, I'll go inside someday."

Yesterday and today was General Conference. I loved it. Although I only saw bits and pieces of yesterday morning's session due to the internet cutting out quite a bit, I still got tons out of this weekend. It's amazing to me how the leaders of our church know exactly what needs to be said, it may be uncomfortable to talk about but you can tell they are so passionate about what they are saying. I know that what they say comes from Heavenly Father and everything they say is for my benefit.

 I cried (actually bawled is more like it) this morning durring President Monson's talk about temples, it's something I feel strongly about and something that I wish those who have the opportunity to do temple work would take advantage of. It's one of those things that is so important to me and I hate seeing people being so casual about it. If nothing else works out for me in this life I would be perfectly happy if I had that little piece of paper in my pocket. It's everything to me and I want it so bad. I just laughed at myself through the tears, here's a snippet of what just went through my head; what twenty year old wants to attend the temple this bad? Honestly Julie, pull yourself together...you're twenty!! But when I do have that piece of paper I'll appreiciate it so much more.

My mom and I had an interesting conversation this afternoon. We were talking about how angels are all around us and most times we don't even recognize it. I don't always realize it but there is a connection with one in particular that I do recognize, and she is here tons. Although I don't remember her much I know that she is here more then we realize. This angel is my Grandma Wood. There are times that I feel her very close. My mom always said that I had a special connection with her and I do believe I do, I was her drooly Julie :P. There are times (quite a few times actually) that I wish she were here and that I could talk face to face with her. Sometimes I just want a hug. I think she does give me some and lately I have afraid that I have disapointed her, but she has been close and in her way giving me a hug as if to say that no, I haven't. I don't think I could ever do anything to make her think less of me.

I think I've said this before but I have no memories of her when she was here on the earth, however, I have some blurrs of after she left. I used to talk to her before I went to bed, it's silly but I laid in bed telling her about my day. I don't know for sure but I would like to think that she listened as often as she could. It's not just me she's around though, I think that she loves her family and visits all of us as often as she can. I can't wait for the day when I can ask her :). I'm grateful for the knowlege that I will be able to see her again, I don't know where I would be without this church.

In other news my roommates and I are redecorating again :P (pictures to come later). I love my life :) Anyways I should start packing for my school trip...yay for having to be at the school at seven am!!

He'll Carry You

I was listening to some efy/church music today and decided to try to find one of the songs on youtube to post on my blog. However, the one song I wanted to find wasn't there but this song title jumped out at me and I decided to listen. I think this is my new favorite song; it's so comforting to hear and I hope that anyone who reads this post finds as much joy in the song as I have. Enjoy.

Quote

While I was at the dollar store last week I found this quote on a plaque; "Life is not a matter of milestones, but of moments". I bought it and it's now covering the hole in my wall but today I got to thinking how profound this quote is. Sometimes people (myself included) stumble through life just wanting to get to those milestones; becoming a teenager, turning sixteen, turning eighteen, graduation from high school, moving out, getting into and graduating from univeristy of college, getting married, having a family, ect. But do we really enjoy the small moments in life? I try to but, with most things in life, don't always succeed. But looking through old pictures and reflecting I realize that there were so many moments in my life that weren't really all that important but memories none the less. Stuff like being put into a giant pillar while we were decorating for grad, and tripping over my own feet at Julianna's and ending up on the floor in laughter. Things like that are so important to life but often overlooked. So I guess the reason for my speel  today is that I need to slow down, you only live life once so live in the moment and make the best of it :).

Fears and Dreams

Yeaterday I had a chance to reflect on my biggest fear and biggest dream. At first glance it may seem simple, like a one word answer or a simple phrase. But there is so much more to it, fears have a way of either inspiring you to do better or cause you to put it in the back of your head and never think about it. Dreams can also have that effect, if you choose to ignore it thinking it won't ever happen chances are it won't. It can also drive you to do anything in your power to get it.

Well after some thought I found that my biggest fear is failure. Failure to be become who I meant to be, failure to listen to others, faliure to see what's right in front of me, failing to miss opportunities because I am going to fast, falilure to get good grades, failing to make the most of this life...Now I know that we are told to do our best and the Lord will do the rest, but what if I think I am doing my best but really I could've tried harder? This is by far my greatest fear, I want to become all that I can be and sometimes it feels as if I'll never reach my full potential. Yes I'm being overdramatic but failure is honestly the thing that scares me the most.

On the flip side my biggest dream right now? This place:

Cardston Alberta Temple

I want to go through a session for myself, then after that first time go for others on the other side. I love how the temple changes people, I can always tell after someone has gone through because there is just something different about them. It's hard to explain but I want that. So bad. Through the years I've picked up bits and pieces but I still have no comprehension of what actually occurs. I remember one time when I went to pick my parents up at the temple as I sat in the van waiting for them to come out I just stared at the temple then as I was scanning it I looked at the top room I had this overwelming feeling of peace and I started to tear up. Actually every time I think about going inside I get emotional. I just want it so bad. There is so much to learn and I can't wait for the day when I am permitted to enter.

I sometimes feel like I shouldn't be wanting it this bad at my age, I mean I'm only twenty! I've had this conversation with my mom many times and it always comes to the same conclusion; good things come to those who wait. But one good thing about wanting it so bad is that I am not willing to let anything get in my way, and believe me when I say even if I have to wait another five years I will still have the same passion and want it just as bad or even more then I do now. I don't know when my dream will come true but I know that in the end all the waiting will be worth it :)

Not Shoes This Time!

So today I went to Walmart to pick up a few things, and as I was walking to the pharmacy I looked up and saw some pictures, I thought they were nice, but I have resisted pictures before (usually I can't justify spending tons of money), but then I saw this...

I don't know what it was about this one as oppose to the other ones but it stood out to me. It's so calming and peaceful. I literally stood there for a few minutes just looking at it and trying to convince myself that I didn't need it, that I shouldn't buy it. But I couldn't walk away from a deal like that! To me this picture seems like it should be way more then twenty dollars, so I justified it...and now it's sitting on my bed waiting to be hung up. But hey, it's not shoes this time!

Thoughts

Today in class we were listing things that we are good at, mine were things like piano, reading, ect. then one girl in my class said procrastination...it was then I realized that I too am very good at procrastinating. I always think "I'll do it tomorrow" or "it's not due for a couple of weeks" but then tomorrow never comes and those couple weeks turn into the next day. I also tend not to do my readings, because I procrastinate I am always scrambling to do assignments the night before so I don't get a chance to do my readings. Maybe if I actually stayed on top of these things then I wouldn't be so stressed. So I have decided to do all my assignments ahead of time, then I could do my readings and maybe my marks would imporve. So since it's on the web for the whole world to see I figure I now have more accountability.

In other news I went to institute last night :) It's amazing how your day instantly improves after attending institute. I had the worst day and institute turned it all around.We talked about the Priesthood and although I'm a women and cannot hold the Priesthood directly I still find it so interesting. I find it amazing how men have the ability to bless and recieve a direct link to Heavenly Father, they can say things that are so profound and can say things to help you in your personal life that they don't even know your struggling with. I find it pretty fantastic. I am so grateful that I grew up in a home where the Priesthood was always present, even now it's weird not having it in my house, I mean my dad is only twenty minutes away but still it's not the same. But I know if he ever needed me he would gladly come into town. and I'm sure when my brothers are old enough to give blessings they would do the same thing.


PS: My feet are healing! They still look gross still but they don't hurt at all. Except when children decide to play a game of 'step on Julie's feet because she yelps in pain when we do'.

Sacrifice

Today our relief society lesson was on sacrifice and I have to say that it wasn't until I got to my parents house that it hit me, Abraham was told to sacrifice his son which he was very willing to do. What we forget is that Abraham's son was not a child, he was a grown man and if he had wanted to he could have fought off his father. But knowing that the commandment came from the Lord he was willing to give his life. Another aspect we fail to remember is that Abraham was almost sacrificed as a younger man himself so putting his son through what he thought he had avoided when he escaped must have been very difficult for him. But by excercising faith he showed the Lord that he was willing to do whatever was asked of him. I love this story because it shows me that whatever the sacrifice we never have to do it alone, the Lord always makes up for some of it. It's a comfort to know that there is always someone there for us and we never go it alone :)