Today marks the one month date for Ayla...has it really been one month? I can't believe that little baby I brought home four weeks ago is one month old today. It's crazy how much they grow and how much your life changes when they come.
~Ayla is such a good natured baby and loves cuddle time.
~We enjoy nap times together.
~She loves music, even when mom sings along in the car. At least I think so, she never complains :P
~She's very alert, to the point where at church she stays awake for the whole three hour block.
~She gets the hicups at least once a day.
~Ayla deffinately loves to eat, a couple nights ago she was up at 1:30, 3:30, 4:45, and 5:50.
~After her 5 o'clock feeding she thinks it's time to wake up...
~She's pretty spoiled.
~For the first three weeks I let her sleep with me, but now she sleeps in her own bed.
~She has grandpa wrapped around her little finger.
~I think she's growing out of her newborn sleepers.
~She's still just as tiny as ever.
~Ayla has no patience, she likes to be fed as soon as she wakes up. If I don't get up fast enough she gets very angry.
~She is also the sweetest little spirit I could ask for.
I love her so much and love being her mom. I'm still learning but I can't wait to grow and learn with her.
I don't know how to write this post. For most it'll come as a shock, or maybe people have caught on I'm not sure. This has always been my journal in a way so I have the good, the bad, and the ugly. Well it's probably the hardest post I've composed thus far so I'm going to just come out and say it...Arles and I are not together. *Shutters* even writing that is hard.
We've been growing apart for some time now and it pains me to know how happy we once were. But people change and those changes causes two people to go in seperate directions. I'm not here to be bitter and angry or even rave on how it's not my fault. Deciding to get married involves two people and so divorce also involves two people. I made my mistakes and he made his.
I know people are probably thinking "I told you so" but no one truly understands the experiences that brought us together just how no one will truly know what drove us apart. Judge if you must but I know that it was right a year ago. Numerous blessings have told me that, however it's not right anymore and although it took a long time for me to come to that conclusion myself, I did reach it.
I will never pretend this never happened (not that I can, we have a child together) but my only wish is that I can raise my daughter in such a way that she will know that mom and dad did love each other and we both love her very much. Arles will always be her father and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Do you know what the hardest part of all this is? Feeling like a failure. This is not how things are suppose to go. This is not how I wanted to raise a child. I look around me at all the happy couples and I admit I sometimes get extremely sad and have to leave a wedding (which I did...sorry Meg!), or church, or even pull myself together at a bridal shower because I know what we had and know the special experiences couples experience and knowing that I once had those things and now I don't is extremely sad. I'm not angry, for the sake of my daughter I will never allow myself to get that way. I've seen the effects of anger and have found it solves nothing.
With all that said I know where my focus is now. It's on me and the baby. As it should be. It's not her fault that we split and I will never speak ill of Arles. Never. Like I said she came from two people who did love each other and to a certain extent we always will. I wish the best for him and all I want is him to be happy. However I would ask a favor...please pray for me, I'm having a hard time. I need to be able to deliver this baby and I can't if I'm stressing about my personal life. Anyways like I said it's just me and her now. And I really can't wait to meet her.
So there you have it, who I've been so silent in the blog world the past little while. I know that things will get easier with time but right now I would perfer if you have any questions to just ask me personally. I may be hurting but I can talk about it.
Recently I had a friend ask me what I loved about going through the temple. And with all the weddings that have been going on its hard not to reflect on that beautiful house. For those who haven’t gone through it is almost foreign, those who do go through rarely talk about what goes on in there and it feels almost secretive in a way. I remember having that feeling about a year ago. Granted most people didn’t obsess about it as much as I did but people are still curious. Back to the question :P It’s hard to pinpoint just one or even two things I love about it. I have always loved visiting the grounds and I hope that I can instill that same love to my children. There’s power in even just sitting on the grounds. They are so cleanly kept and maintained so no matter what season it is they always look beautiful. So I guess the first thing I love is the grounds. I love the feeling you receive upon entering, the peace and relief is wonderful. I have felt it many times. The past few months I admit I lost sight of that. The temple wasn’t giving me as much joy as I thought it ought to but as I entered with a different attitude this time I felt that peace once again, a peace that I haven’t felt in almost seven months now. Sure I was going every couple weeks but I wasn’t allowing my burdens to be lifted. Turing things over to the Lord is difficult for me especially when I don’t know his plans for me. This past time I did, and honestly I felt…happy. I love the promises given inside. Sure they go both ways but if you listen there are some very powerful things said. It’s in the tough times that you really listen and reflect on the words as well as the feelings. It’s in those moments that you realize that yes you are taking on some hefty promises but the rewards are far sweeter then you can imagine. I try to focus on one thing every time so things don’t get too overwhelming and it’s amazing how much I learn. Over the past few months (and really from the beginning) I have felt the presence of my unborn child. It sounds strange but the strength I receive from her little spirit is amazing. I feel closest to her in the temple and quite honestly she loves it in there :) When I get to the end of the endowment she is literally trying to escape. It’s quite interesting. She’s not the only one I feel for there are countless others, but the love I feel from all of them is amazing. You don’t realize it but we are constantly being watched over, I just feel closer to them there. I could go on and on but those are some of the things I love. Each experience is different and everyone is different. That’s the beauty of it I suppose, it’s personal. And I will never let myself become complacent. I have and always will love the temple. Nothing will ever prevent me from not having that temple recommend in my hand. Any trials that come my way and whatever the future holds for me I know that if I continue to do this for me and my daughter that we will both be strong. I can’t wait for the day when I can take her through and I hope that I will have the strength to teach her of how important the temple is.
Merry Christmas everyone! (I know it's late but better late then never right?) We finally have internet so I'll be posting more blog posts. Sorry I haven't been around for a few months :P We've been busy. With work for the both of us and married life to deal with it keeps us on our feet. But we love it. I love Christmas time and I love the fact that it's such a wonderful time to spend time with family. This Christmas was nice, I got to spend time with my family while also having another family to talk to.
I loved being able to spend Christmas with my husband, it was a unique experience and I can't wait to have more :). Although it was different it was fun. I got to spend time with my family and Arles at the same time, they get along so well and for that I'm truly grateful. Our family just keeps growing and before we know it Eric and Chris will be bringing in new people as well.
There is so much I want to talk about but I can't seem to bring my thoughts together in a way that sounds somewhat intelligent. So I'll just list all the happenings around here: *Eric finally went driving today *I got more shoes for Christmas *Sleep is a wonderful thing *I went out for sushi with the girls last week....oh how I love them *I took Arles out for sushi the next night *My brother in law has been living with us *I cook...amazing right? *Arles and I are heading to Edmonton for a couple days (I guess you can call it a honeymoon since we never went on one) ...and there's more but I'll post about them later.
Sorry for the short post but I really should get to bed. I've been pretty tired lately and this week is the perfect opportunity to catch up on sleep. Oh but one more thing...Emily is engaged :) :). I'm so happy for her and can't wait for all of us cousins to meet up with our husbands :P. Anyways good night :)
Sorry I haven't written in a while, without internet it's been hard to stay on top of the blogging world :P. Well it's been five weeks since the wedding and I still feel like we're in the honeymoon stage, we have far to much fun together, we're always laughing and life is wonderful. I have never been happier. I also love that although we're living together nothing has changed in our relationship, he bugs me about my funny little habits (I leave cupboards open...) but it's all in good fun and at the end of the day I love having someone to talk to about the good and the bad. What's even better is our house is slowly coming together :) We just bought a couch yesterday so we're pretty excited about that.
I started a new job just after we got married and I love it. New kids mean new germs so I've been sick off and on for the past month but it's all good. Arles also started a new job, although the hours aren't the greatest (he works 6am to 6 pm), it still gives us time to ourselves at the end of the day. I love him so much :)
So a couple weeks ago I had an experience. I went through a giantic puddle in my alley...and killed my car. There I was driving along when I started to go through what I thought was a puddle so I sped up to make it through. Well then the car shuts down. I call my dad in a panic as I have to be at work in ten minutes (thank goodness dad's are still around after you're married :P). I then start the trek out of my car and toward my house; I step out of the car and realize the 'puddle' was knee deep. Frick. I got home and realized that Arles had come home sick and was at home so I had him drive me to work. I couldn't believe my luck that day. What's even luckier is that my car has been revived!! It should be dead because I flooded it. But it's not thanks to my wonderful father and lovely husband.
Anyways that's life right now, crazy but fantastic. I love every minute of it and love that every week Arles and I go back to the temple and remember how we felt five weeks ago as we exited the temple as husband and wife :)
PS: Our wedding pictures will be making an appearance very soon :)
Where has the time gone? I am so close to my wedding it's unbelievable. Two weeks. Two weeks today I'll be getting ready to be sealed to Arles and become his eternal companion. As for wedding planning things are still going great, I have not stressed all that much and things are all falling into place. I love Arles I really do, he has been great over the past couple of months and has helped me to not stress over the small things. Sure it'll be nice to have a reception to celebrate our marriage but the only important part is the sealing :).
I go through the temple in three days! I can't believe that after waiting and wanting to go so bad I finally am going. Last week Arles, mom, and I went to get my temple clothes including a dress. For me putting on that dress was like trying on my wedding dress. It fit perfectly and it made things set in all the more. I stood in awe for a few minutes thinking to myself "this is really happening!". I can't wait to wear it. It's like my wedding dress in that sense, I feel beautiful wearing it. But unlike my wedding dress it's a differnt kind of beautiful, it's how I know that I will be wearing it many a times inside the temple. I love it and all it does and will stand for in the future.
Last week I had a bridal shower in Calgary :) It went great and I saw many people that I haven't seen in years. I was also surprised at the amount of gifts I got. They were like wedding presents! I have things now that can be used to make a home. We got everything from plates to a three tier appetizer tray (which looks so cute in our new home). I am so grateful for everyone who pitched in and was willing to spend time with little Julie Marie.
On another note Arles moved into our place the other day. It's a cute basement suite with a huge living room and a huge bathroom. It was so exciting putting our stuff away and trying to figure out how to organize everything. I know I'm a geek but I get a thrill not only with taking off stickers but with unpacking as well. Just the fact that it's my home and I can put things where I want is a exciting experience. Just the fact it will be our home makes things so much more exciting
Well sorry again about the lack of pictures, I promise someday I will get some on here. Anyways wish me luck with the next couple weeks and I'll try to blog on Tuesday about my temple experience :) :).
I feel like this post has been stewing for a while now but never had the courage to write it out. Blogging is truly the window to my thoughts. There's only one person who can see into my mind and he's my best friend. I feel like we've known each other for a very long time. The more I'm around him the more I know he's the one for me.
Anyways back to what I originally planned to write. Here it goes. I was re-reading some blog posts from not to long ago and it made me realize how lucky I am now. I was in a dark place. A place I never want to go back to. I was being hurt by someone, someone who I really cared about and at the time I thought I was happy. I thought I could fix it; I thought I knew what I was doing. I didn't. I broke off the toxic relationship and I believe that was the best decision of my life.
Without everything that happened to me I would not be ready for what came next. Arles. It was almost two weeks after everything ended that I saw him. He was what I always wanted, what I knew was good for me but I didn't feel that I deserved him. Not that I ever talked to him :P Like I said I felt very inadaquate of him. But funny enough I was told that he thought the exact about me.
Both of us have experienced things that have brought us both to this point. Without those experiences I would not have him right now. I remember reading somewhere that there is more then one person out there for you, that any worthy young man and any worthy young woman can make it work. But I know that Arles and I are meant for each other. He is outgoing and fun, I'm more quiet and observant. But he brings out a side that most people don't see. I'm spontaneous and fun. I ran through a water park fully clothed the other day. Just randomly :P. Arles looked at me as we were driving by and said "do you want to go?" my reply was "right now?" he answered "yup" so we did.
We just get along, I don't think we've had a serious argument yet. We've been planning this wedding for almost a month now and we have not hit any snags. Everything just seems to fall into place for us. Basically all we have left to do is the finishing touches. We have the temple booked and my endowment apointment booked. That's all that matters :)
Have I mentioned how grateful I am that he can take me to the temple? Well I am. Everytime I think about going it brings tears to my eyes. This is all I have wanted for a very long time. I had even decided that I didn't need a man to take me, that I was going to go just for me. Well that's when Arles was thrown into the mix :P but I find it interesting that as soon as I decided I was going for me, that the Lord found me ready enough for marriage. I not saying I feel ready yet, not in the least but I know that if it was wrong I would know. My parents would know. That everyone really close to me would know. But none of us have those feelings.
Yes we have been getting looks and people talk behind our backs. They think that we're taking it to fast. Granted I know we did. But you know what? We have eternity to get to know each other and waiting a certain length of time would be stupid. We both knew and so why put it off?
I really love this man. He is my everything and really, who else would sit through Harry Potter with me when he hasn't even seen the other movies? :P I am the lucky one. I can't believe that I have him in my life. And that in seven weeks we will be in the sealing room being bound for all time and eternity :).
I, Julie O'Brien brought another person to the blogging world. It's pretty sweet :) I love blogging and I especially love gaining insight into other people's thoughts. In a way blogging is like a journal...one where the whole world can see it. I love it but sometimes I hold back just a tiny bit, just to keep the suspense :P.
With that said I would like to say how truly happy I have been this week, I can't believe how things are working out for me, quite honestly it's weird. I'm just waiting for the rug to be pulled out from beneath me like it has been all the times before. It hasn't yet. And somehow I feel like it won't be this time. Weird right? Actually no it's not that weird I'm just silly and ignore signs. I must be prepared and ready or else Heavenly Father would not have thrown new people and experiences into my life. Each has prepared and led me up to where I am currently standing. I really wasn't expecting this, not yet anyway. But like I said I have to believe I'm ready for what is to come next. You know how I said at the begining of the year that I felt like something huge was about to happen? Yeah I am still getting that vibe, however it's begining to make more sense and it's only half way through the year!
The thing is though I am not all that scared for what seems to be coming, of course I am a bit scared, that's a given with any change. But there is no such thing as coincidences and I don't believe in the fate mumbo-jumbo stuff. There is only Heavenly Father and his plan. Sure we stray off the path a few times but we can always get back on track eventually. I've had some interesting experiences this week and they have brought me closer to some of my goals. I know what I want. And although life keeps throwing me upside down and every which way, I'm keeping focused on Heavenly Father and trying to turn to him for guidance, because frankly I can't do it alone. No one can.
***
Yesterday was Canada Day :) Although this year I did not attend the parade I went home and had a good chat my mom while the boys were swimming. Our deep conversations often end in tears and yesterday was no acception. I love my mom to death and am thankful that she and I can have conversations like we do. I have great respect for my dad as well. He's always been there for me and never have I seen him raise his voice in full fledged anger. He's a hard worker and always looks out for his family. He has been there for me through everything. As I get older the relationship with my parents change, and although I know it will change even more as I get older, they will always be my parents.
Anyways after the boys got home from swimming we all ate dinner and talked for a while. It still makes me smile how much my dad talked to my special friend last night. And how much he liked talking to my family members, we were there for almost six hours! I have to say though, it was neat to see :).I can't wait for more visits like the one we had last night.
I ended my Canada Day with the fireworks at Henderson. I love this country and the freedoms I have. Life is good.
"A curve ball can be hard to hit in baseball, but when you do...it can be a home run"
Again, I got to comfortable. I've really got to stop doing that...anyways it just seems my life has been so crazy lately. Quite honestly I don't know where this is all coming from. Each week just keeps getting better and better and it seemed that some things finally clicked these past few days. Let's just hope it stays that way, but really who am I kidding, life never slows down. But honestly I am begining to understand why I had to go through so much the past couple years with work and school among other things. It just all came together in a way. It's interesting how life works sometimes.
But the quote above is fantastic, and so very true. It all depends on your stance and how you go about hitting the ball, you can just throw in you're bat and say "I'm done" and give up. Or you can line yourself up and prepare for it so when it does come you can hit that home run and make it back to our true home (if you couldn't tell I love interperting quotes). Isn't that what this life is all about? Trying our best to hit those curve balls and in the end it makes you a better player, not only in terms of baseball but a better player in life. Every new curve and angle makes you into a better person, a stronger person. If we were thrown easy ones we wouldn't learn that sometimes you have to get a few misses in order to get that almost perfect hit. I need to work on this, everyone has their mess ups and no one is perfect.
I truly believe that situations and people come into your life for a reason. You don't always know why but in the end it makes sense. I was at the point a few days ago where I was getting complacent and apparently a little to comfortable with things, I say apparently because this weekend has thrown some curve balls at me, I mean this time one of them was actually ok and pretty welcomed :P. It all seemed to come at once but I'm finding that I feel very calm about it all. I must be ready for these new things or else I wouldn't have them in my life, Heavenly Father knows me and where I am on the path. Everything is put in my life for a specific purpose and my job is to roll with it until I figure it out and move on to the next thing. Life is ever changing and the person you were yesterday is not the same person as today. You just have to get up in the morning and say "Heavenly Father, please bless that nothing will come my way today that you and I can't handle together" I admit that some days are better then others but I know that I'm never in it alone.
As promised here are some pictures of new things Kim and I have been working on:
Flowers we put on the table
Antiques Kim found
Some glass jars we found to put some bathroom stuff in.
Flowers in the kitchen :)
Our table
A new coffee table.
So there you have it, some of our house improvements. It looks so bright in here I love it, but as always we're not quite done yet so keep your eyes open, we have a few other projects on the go :). Also a sidenote, most of these were from the dollar store and second hand places. That coffee table you see above cost us thirty...amazing hey? Anyways today I was actually productive and cleaned the whole place so when Jill moves in tomorrow she'll see that we are actually clean :P (the last time she came over we still had our matresses in the living room, dishes in the sink...anyways it wasn't pretty).
This past week I went out to lunch with my friend Megan. It was so great to see her and be able to talk to her again. We really haven't talked in almost two years :( which was why it was so much fun to talk with her and update each other on our lives. Her baby is the sweetest, and he's almost eight months! Crazy!
Oh another update is Kim colored my hair and it looks great :) then yesterday I got a hair cut as well. It looks pretty fantstic if I do say so myself. I can't believe I let Kim color my hair with a box dye...anyways it turned out so it's all good, and it was only ten dollars! I love it.
I love change every once in a while, it seems lately though I have been changing up quite a bit. Why the sudden urge to change up my room layout, my haircut, my hair color, my blog layout, my house, my nail polish color (not that nail polish matters), my dresses, my shoes, friends? I honestly don't know, perhaps it's because it's spring??? But I just have a feeling that things are about to change even more, like there's something coming, don't get me wrong right now I welcome change...I just would like to know exactly what is coming so I can prepare for it :P But I suppose we're always being prepared, whether we know it or not.
Take my mom for instance, she didn't know that she was being prepared for her current calling but I believe that she was. My mom always jokes that maybe had she not started attending the temple as often she wouldn't have been called to Stake Relief Society President. She would have anyway, but attending the temple deffinately helped :P. It's because of my mom that I am learning that you can't be invisible forever. Unfortunately. But I'm learning to embrace it...slowly. Anyways I love my parents and how much they have taught me. They're great!
To go with the random-ness of this post here's a video that applies somewhat...
Since it's spring time I decided it was time for a change.So I decided to change up my layout, it looks very plain but I think I'll like it this way. I would rather people focus on what I have to say more then how cute my blog looks.I also changed up my blog decription "Sometimes the best things in life are not the once in a lifetime occurences; rather the everyday simplicities." And yes that deffinately came from my head :P pretty profound right? Well anyway I will expand on that a tiny bit.
Sometimes we wait around for the huge WOW factor, the things that make you go "well that was amazing!". But often in waiting around for those you miss the simple things, the tiny moments where you gain a glimpse of eternity. Look around you, there are so many spectacular things in this world, the opportunity to be alive is amazing in itself. I have realized that in the hussle and bussle of everyday life we forget to live. I am very guilty of this, often I just go on autopilot and forget to enjoy life, but I'm trying to gain a greater perspective. I can't believe how fast it's going, and how much even in the past year of school I've learned not only academically but spiritually and emotionally as well.
This semester I've just cruised along, probably missing out on many opportunities for friendships and growth. But honestly if I had to do things over, of course there would be things I would change, but I have realized that through experiences I have had new insight that might not have otherwise come is now mine to keep. I'm trying to keep the insight I have and continue to love life because to be quite honest I do love life. I do love where I am. I do like where I'm heading. I love who I have become. So from now on I'm going to keep things simple, so I can learn to see things in a differnt light.
Today has already been great :) Although I went to bed at four this morning (ooops...) I woke up so excited for the day. Mostly because I have been planning all week to wear a dress, but I couldn't earlier this week due to practicum :P. I loved it though, dresses make me feel happier. I don't know why but what you wear often defines your mood, so when I put on a cute dress I feel good and therefore my mood is lightened as well.
Tonight I went to my parents for dinner and although my mom and dad left for the temple I had a great conversation with my mom. I am so happy that I have that kind of relationship, the kind where we can discuss anything and she listens and understands me. I also LOVE how much my parents attend the temple, because of them I have had grown up with a love and yearning for going inside to be sealed like they are. We can be an eternal family because of the decisions they have made. I love them.
I got to watch A Walk to Remember tonight, I forgot how much I love this movie. It may be an older one but it still makes me cry. I like how it's a simple love story, no sex, no uneeded making out, hardly any swearing, it's just a sweet simple love story. I would recomend it for all ages (if you haven't already seen it). Also my visiting teachers are taking me to the dance tonight so I don't have to go alone. It's amazing how when I felt the most alone the Lord provided me with visiting teachers to make me feel included in my ward. I am so happy today.
This week I have been so happy, even with school and assignments I feel great. It's been a long time since I've felt this way. Even with a million things to do this weekend I feel...joyous, I am so happy with where I am in life. I'll admit one month ago I didn't know how I would get through the rest of the semester but things started turning around two weeks ago, I started to feel like myself again. If anything I am stronger then I was and I have a better sense of what I want. I've rounded the corner, no looking back :). It's funny how once you start doing things such as paying your tithing and attending FHE things immediently start getting better. I can't wait to see what other blessings are in store because it seems that after the biggest storms comes the largest blessings.
I'd like to direct your attention to the picture above. I thought it was time to change the blog a bit, and while I was flipping through my pictures I found the perfect one, some delectable desserts found in none other then *drum roll*.........PARIS!!! Yes I may have been hungry while I was looking through my pictures but hey anything found along the Champs Elysees is worth looking at over and over again, right? I mean look at them! Tell me that you aren't hungry right now:P The picture also may or may not make me sad that I live in Canada...but only for a second then I come back to reality :)
