Fears and Dreams

Yeaterday I had a chance to reflect on my biggest fear and biggest dream. At first glance it may seem simple, like a one word answer or a simple phrase. But there is so much more to it, fears have a way of either inspiring you to do better or cause you to put it in the back of your head and never think about it. Dreams can also have that effect, if you choose to ignore it thinking it won't ever happen chances are it won't. It can also drive you to do anything in your power to get it.

Well after some thought I found that my biggest fear is failure. Failure to be become who I meant to be, failure to listen to others, faliure to see what's right in front of me, failing to miss opportunities because I am going to fast, falilure to get good grades, failing to make the most of this life...Now I know that we are told to do our best and the Lord will do the rest, but what if I think I am doing my best but really I could've tried harder? This is by far my greatest fear, I want to become all that I can be and sometimes it feels as if I'll never reach my full potential. Yes I'm being overdramatic but failure is honestly the thing that scares me the most.

On the flip side my biggest dream right now? This place:

Cardston Alberta Temple

I want to go through a session for myself, then after that first time go for others on the other side. I love how the temple changes people, I can always tell after someone has gone through because there is just something different about them. It's hard to explain but I want that. So bad. Through the years I've picked up bits and pieces but I still have no comprehension of what actually occurs. I remember one time when I went to pick my parents up at the temple as I sat in the van waiting for them to come out I just stared at the temple then as I was scanning it I looked at the top room I had this overwelming feeling of peace and I started to tear up. Actually every time I think about going inside I get emotional. I just want it so bad. There is so much to learn and I can't wait for the day when I am permitted to enter.

I sometimes feel like I shouldn't be wanting it this bad at my age, I mean I'm only twenty! I've had this conversation with my mom many times and it always comes to the same conclusion; good things come to those who wait. But one good thing about wanting it so bad is that I am not willing to let anything get in my way, and believe me when I say even if I have to wait another five years I will still have the same passion and want it just as bad or even more then I do now. I don't know when my dream will come true but I know that in the end all the waiting will be worth it :)

Not Shoes This Time!

So today I went to Walmart to pick up a few things, and as I was walking to the pharmacy I looked up and saw some pictures, I thought they were nice, but I have resisted pictures before (usually I can't justify spending tons of money), but then I saw this...

I don't know what it was about this one as oppose to the other ones but it stood out to me. It's so calming and peaceful. I literally stood there for a few minutes just looking at it and trying to convince myself that I didn't need it, that I shouldn't buy it. But I couldn't walk away from a deal like that! To me this picture seems like it should be way more then twenty dollars, so I justified it...and now it's sitting on my bed waiting to be hung up. But hey, it's not shoes this time!

Favorite Playlist of the Day

Again I'll say I love music. My favorite playlist right now? The Pride and Prejudice soundtrack (if you haven't seen the movie, you should!). I listened to all the songs last night and am doing it again tonight. It's perfect studying music, it's just so relaxing so having it in the background makes it easier to focus.
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In other news I am just about finished my homework, and it's only eleven! I know I find it pretty amazing as well. It might have to do with the fact that my psychology instructor changed the deadline of my assignment from tomorrow to Monday so I have all weekend to do it :). Also my activity in practicum went well, the child who came to let me read a book to her was engaged, did everything that I had written in my objectives, and she asked me to read it to her from end to begining (in my head I was cheering because that means that I could show off my open-ended-ness). I love days like this :)

Thoughts

Today in class we were listing things that we are good at, mine were things like piano, reading, ect. then one girl in my class said procrastination...it was then I realized that I too am very good at procrastinating. I always think "I'll do it tomorrow" or "it's not due for a couple of weeks" but then tomorrow never comes and those couple weeks turn into the next day. I also tend not to do my readings, because I procrastinate I am always scrambling to do assignments the night before so I don't get a chance to do my readings. Maybe if I actually stayed on top of these things then I wouldn't be so stressed. So I have decided to do all my assignments ahead of time, then I could do my readings and maybe my marks would imporve. So since it's on the web for the whole world to see I figure I now have more accountability.

In other news I went to institute last night :) It's amazing how your day instantly improves after attending institute. I had the worst day and institute turned it all around.We talked about the Priesthood and although I'm a women and cannot hold the Priesthood directly I still find it so interesting. I find it amazing how men have the ability to bless and recieve a direct link to Heavenly Father, they can say things that are so profound and can say things to help you in your personal life that they don't even know your struggling with. I find it pretty fantastic. I am so grateful that I grew up in a home where the Priesthood was always present, even now it's weird not having it in my house, I mean my dad is only twenty minutes away but still it's not the same. But I know if he ever needed me he would gladly come into town. and I'm sure when my brothers are old enough to give blessings they would do the same thing.


PS: My feet are healing! They still look gross still but they don't hurt at all. Except when children decide to play a game of 'step on Julie's feet because she yelps in pain when we do'.

Fipped, Turned, and Thrown

Note to self: When the dance instuctor looks at you and says "you look small enough" and pulls you into the center for a demonstration, please put on some shoes or else you may end up with bruises like this...

It looks worse then it is through, and I have to admit it was pretty fun. Basically I was thrown in the air, flipped, turned, and told to flip backwards and dive headfirst toward the ground, scary...yet fun. Luckily the instructor held me up and all I did was land on my feet wrong (and that was my fault). But next time I think I'll watch someone else be the guinea pig, I'm sure it looks much more entertaining from the side :P

Little Shoes :)

all pictures found on: http://www.joyfolieblog.com/

Kalina showed me this website last night and I may be in love, if I had a little girl right now I would buy all of these...really I love them. And there are tons more where these came from!

Friday

It's Friday! I am so happy this week is over, between a new practicum placement and with classes starting to get into full swing it's been a long one. But last night I went to interview my roommates for a project and of course we spent 3 1/2 talking and surprisingly I actually got up on time this morning and felt rested

THEN I found out one of my classes was canceled :) so I had a couple hours to chill at home. No worries I was actually productive, I cleaned my entire room (which has not been this clean since before Christmas...)but there's nothing like a couple hours to refuel you. I love days like this, then later I am going to start on my laundry, speaking of which does anyone else love the feeling of clean sheets? I love it.

To top off a great day it was nice and warm outside!! I actually liked walking from my car to class today, and usually when I gave to park on the far side of the parking lot I hate it but today I didn't :) I'm hoping this day will continue into tomorrow so I can finish an activity and play area planning sheets, those can really suck the life out you (it takes about four hours for a play area planning sheet :S). But that's tomorrow and for tonight I'm going to relax :P